BiteAbility - by Grace Kiconco

Is it just me, or do y'all ever get the overwhelming urge to bite the people you love?And before anyone starts looking up psychiatric evaluations, I need you to understand that this is not aggression. This is affection that has exceeded maximum storage capacity. Sometimes I look at someone I care about and my brain skips right past all the normal responses. I don't want to shake their hand. I don't want to politely compliment them. I don't even want to hug them. I want to take a very small, very respectful bite.Like a sample.Like I'm checking quality control.Like I'm verifying that they're real. The feeling is especially dangerous when the person has soft cheeks, a cute smile, or the audacity to be adorable while existing in my general vicinity. At that point, my survival instincts completely abandon me. And don't even get me started on people who laugh in that specific way that makes you realize you'd commit minor crimes to keep hearing it.Those people are in immediate danger.I think what happens is that affection reaches a point where language becomes useless. You run out of normal human ways to express it. "I would like to gently clamp my teeth around your shoulder for approximately three seconds."Now we're approaching the truth.Scientists call this "cute aggression," but I feel like that name does not accurately communicate the severity of the situation. It sounds harmless. It sounds manageable.It is not. This is a full-blown emotional infrastructure problem.The affection has nowhere to go.The system is overloaded.The circuits are sparking.The containment walls are failing.... Every person with cheeks or biceps and a nice personality is one bad day away from becoming an emotional support snack.Nature clearly intended for us to be wolves or golden retrievers or something because why else would my first instinct upon seeing someone precious be biting them I know I'm not alone in this.I've seen the way people grab their partners' faces.I've heard the way people say, "You're so cute I could just bite you."That's not a figure of speech.That's a warning.A cry for help.A public service announcement. My friends get hickeys every now and then. I get it. I understand. Sometimes love leaves the body through poor decision-making.Meanwhile, I am out here carrying enough unexpressed affection to be classified as a natural disaster.No suitable bite targets.No approved outlets. Just me, walking through society like a responsible adult while internally fighting the urge to affectionately nibble anyone who makes me smile too hard.So if I ever stare at you for a suspiciously long time, relax.I'm probably not judging you.I'm probably not angry.I'm probably just trying to decide whether you're cute enough to trigger my ancient ancestral urge to carry you away by the scruff of your neck.For public safety reasons, please maintain a distance of at least six feet.Especially if you have cheeks.

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