Every Queen starts as a pawn. - by Fred Ssenyondwa

Hello everyone, I am Fred, Fred lobster, Fred popstar, Fred the pastor but today I choose to be Fred the pawn-star, Not the night, forget the queen, I am no king, I am the pawn the small gun that makes an impact. For those of you who thought about Johnny scenes, I bring you to the scenes of chess trying to make a chase in my mind trying to find the treasure chest until I realize that I am the game changer, the danger to endanger every challenger no matter the grave danger they pause but, the dominion starts in my head when I choose to be the minion that triggers revolution and not the centurion soon to be in oblivion. When I speak of chess, I mean a war on peaceful environment; and so, my mind goes in silent argument why your comment on my scar is the bullet that tries to tear through my confidence. When your mouth is the rifle with which you shoot at my self-esteem calling me a meme but since I play the pawn, I retaliate with a smile to check on your reaction and that frown on your face is a checkmate and its game over! I am Fred, Fred lobster, Fred popstar, Fred the pastor, but today I choose to be Fred the pawn-star You are not worth my big guns; I could unleash ammunition bigger than my smile, drive you, miles off the grid of greed and pride but I know just like Angel Kabera; “it’s the people who hurt us the most, that are usually hurting the most.” so I let the hate pet your heart to hurt till you are but a butt of a self-destructive button which you press into silence, evidence that I am wining. I am Fred, Fred the impostor, the disaster because when I go red you start asking where the ‘F’ is, he. But today I chose to be Fred the pawn-star, a master, to stir you through the brain game, tame what you call shame to become my, flame with which I claim emblem of wits diadem. A few things I know about me, like the pawn, I move one step forward and there is no turning back. Every step gets me closer to promotion, to becoming a big gun. I am Fred, Fred lobster, Fred popstar, Fred the pastor but today I choose to be Fred the pawn-star, once a pawn who sought solace in porn and so on my phone, the most popular search was ‘xxx’ probably trying to account for all the exes my mathematical equations failed to solve and find. My memory was good at memorizing all those memories when I stood in my bathroom, phone in hand trying to address my erections, stroking my emotions trying to calm them with cum till I came to satisfaction, an addiction I committed to over time and again. And every time that female threw a comment, I would take a moment to torment her body and with my mind rip off her dress, caress her body, trace the outlines of every curve until every nerve was at tension until I lost all the attention, not that I had ever had any. Sounds fun to a youth out here but when the guilt strikes, when prostate cancer and trauma knock you wish to poke a rod through your heart. I was a certified loner, an extra in my own movie, where hope was a protagonist thrown apart by a green screen of pessimism and every move I made was a fiction, a contradiction between my actions and people’s reactions. I became tight with procrastination and soon became a nation of promises making incantations to protect myself from a tomorrow that never came. I am Fred, Fred lobster, Fred the popstar, Fred the pastor but today I choose to be Fred the pawn-star, When I realized the battle raged within my mind and my ambition. My ambition was a 2024 edition of dream league trying to fit on a 2.0 version of android and so my dreams were too big to be compatible with this outcast reality. Then my priority was to upgrade my mindset. This did not look like resetting my flaws but to embrace them when I realized that my scar was of the battles none of the critics could survive. That my smile was not a coincidence but a providence from God, ammunition to silence all arms against my success. That the more the pleasure, the more the pressure, the need to censor my social media, would rather play some chess than chase heartbreaks. I am Fred, Fred lobster, Fred popstar, Fred the pastor but today I choose to be Fred the pawn-star, a kintsugi whose gold lies within my ugly smile, my scar for I have learnt to shed light on my plight, delight in my flaws not to get rid of the scars but make them stars because the queen on the board starts as a pawn so it’s alright to start small, not to fall for hearsays, put positivity to every negativity.

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