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216
Suicide: The Permanent Solution.
<p>“Did you regret it?”</p><p><br/></p><p>“You know…”</p><p><br/></p><p>I hesitated.</p><p><br/></p><p>“What happened?”</p><p><br/></p><p>A heavy sigh was the first response.</p><p><br/></p><p>“I didn’t think I had another choice.”</p><p><br/></p><p>“You always have a choice.”</p><p><br/></p><p>“No. It didn’t feel that way.”</p><p><br/></p><p>She looked away.</p><p><br/></p><p>“I tried, you know. I tried so hard to ask for help. You know how difficult that is for me, but I couldn't go through that pain again.”</p><p><br/></p><p>Her voice became quieter.</p><p><br/></p><p>“Every day reminded me of what happened. I couldn't escape it. I couldn't even look at myself without remembering everything.”</p><p><br/></p><p>“I’m sorry you had to go through that. But did you ever think about how your family felt?”</p><p><br/></p><p>She said nothing.</p><p><br/></p><p>“They lost so much in such a short time.”</p><p><br/></p><p>“I know.”</p><p><br/></p><p>Her voice trembled.</p><p><br/></p><p>“I thought they blamed me. I thought they couldn't look at me without remembering her. I was ashamed all the time. I couldn't face them.”</p><p><br/></p><p>She paused.</p><p><br/></p><p>“But during the funeral…”</p><p><br/></p><p>Her voice broke.</p><p><br/></p><p>“I realized something.”</p><p><br/></p><p>“What?”</p><p><br/></p><p>“They weren't looking at me with hatred.”</p><p><br/></p><p>She swallowed.</p><p><br/></p><p>“They were hurting too.”</p><p><br/></p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p><br/></p><p>“I spent so much time believing I was the reason everyone was suffering that I never stopped to think that maybe they were suffering because they loved me too.”</p><p><br/></p><p>Silence.</p><p><br/></p><p>“They would have blamed themselves as well, you know.”</p><p><br/></p><p>She looked at me.</p><p><br/></p><p>“They… they would?”</p><p><br/></p><p>“Yes.”</p><p><br/></p><p>Her eyes filled with tears.</p><p><br/></p><p>“I never thought about it that way.”</p><p><br/></p><p>I placed my hand gently over hers.</p><p><br/></p><p>“You can't change what has happened. None of us can. But you can choose what you do with the pain it left behind.”</p><p><br/></p><p>She nodded slowly.</p><p><br/></p><p>“I guess I understand that now.”</p><p><br/></p><p>A long silence followed.</p><p><br/></p><p>Then I asked softly:</p><p><br/></p><p>“You got to meet her, right?”</p><p><br/></p><p>“Your sister?”</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>She nodded.</strong></p><p><br/></p>
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