Lust. - by Medi!🌻

Ping!It's 1:30 am and a Snapchat notification from your phone jolts you awake.You immediately remember that you fell asleep while texting your boyfriend and go to see if he's gone to bed.He hasn't.You see that you have 7 unread messages from him.The first, replying to a sticker you sent. "What is your obsession with this sticker sef 😂"The next one is five minutes after the first "babe?"Then another, two minutes after "why aren't you replying 😔?"And another immediately "are you asleep?"Then another "😭"And then "i thought you said you weren't sleepy? 😹 Goodnight baby, I love you so much"And then you'll see the last text, the one that woke you up."Been watching your videos, you make me so hard. 😭 Really wish you were here to fix it."And you'll feel your skin crawl with disgust.You know you haven't sent any inappropriate videos to him, at least not any that was saved in chat. So what was he talking about?You'll text him "hi baby"And he'll reply in seconds "ughh finally babe. Where were youuu?😭I thought you were asleep."And then you'll say "I was. But I'm awake now " And he'll say " I have a boner🥲"And you'll have that feeling again, the one that sits deep in your stomach.You'll shuffle for words for a while because you don't know what to say and then you'll eventually settle for a sticker, one with a suggestive smirk. You know you do not feel like the sticker at all but you'll send it regardless, because you don't want to disappoint him.He'll text back "what would you do if you were here🥹?"You panic, because you are so inexperienced but you want to impress him so you'd scratch your brain for ideas from the smutty books you've read.And you'll say "I'd straddle you, give you a tongue kiss and suck my way down your neck"He'll text back immediately"fuckk baby. Please go on"And then you do, you continue dirty-texting for half an hour and then he'll ask you "did you cum?" And you don't really know what that is but you'll say "yeahhh." And he'll say "me too baby. Can you show me please? Just on your fingers or something" You'll stare at the message for a full minute and another will come in "please baby. I won't save in chat" but you know you didn't orgasm with him so you'll start panicking and then an idea would come to you. You'll grab your face serum from your bedside table and pour it over your fingers. You don't know what "cum" is supposed to look like but you think to yourself that this would do it and then you take a picture of your hands and send it to him.He replies to the snap "fuck baby, That's so hot. Wanna see mine?" And you'll say "no baby, that would just make me turned on again" because you genuinely hate seeing penises but he'll send one anyway and you'll feel sick to your stomach but you'll reply to the video"ughhh. So hott."because again, you do not want to disappoint him"And then he'll say"i have to take a bath now babe and then I'll go to bed afterwards. You should too" and you'll text back"yeahh"And he'll say"Goodnight my princess. I love you so much "And you'll say"I love you too. Night! 😚"He'll start typing again but you'll turn off your phone and cry into your pillow. Feeling absolutely disgusted at yourself. He has been your boyfriend for less than a week, but he absolutely adores and loves you. He makes you so happy and you love him too. The only problem is that he's really freaky and you're not. And you've tried to explain to him so many times that you're not okay with some of the things he says and does and demands but he'll gaslight you. He'll tell you that you don't trust or love him as much as he does you. He'll tell you that you need to stop being conventional and that it was okay to do things like that. Sometimes, he'll tell you that he understands and that he's going to mind your boundaries and wouldn't push it anymore but he always breaks his promises hours later.And you'll want to ask for a break up because it was taking a toll on you but you'll be too scared to do it. Because you really love him but you can't go on this way either. So you'll create a pros and cons table to make it easier.Under pros, you'll write all the things you love about him. His looks, the way he smiles at you, the way he loves you loudly, without reservation, the way he's protective of you, how he tells you everything about his day and how he genuinely seems interested in getting to know you better.And then you'll write under the cons. How almost every conversation you have with him always leads up to dirty talks, how he is almost never able to keep his promises, how he keeps asking for inappropriate pictures, and how he gaslights you into feeling like you are the problem. You make up your mind. You were going to leave him. Because it is better to do it now before you fall deeper and lose yourself to him. You know you won't be able to forget about him but you also know this was something you had to do because the only thing worse than a lustful man is a lustful man who truly loves you.

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