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Score | 172
Bellamine Nigeria
Student @ Enugu State University of Science and Technology
Ifo, Nigeria
4360
9359
271
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In Literature, Writing and Blogging 2 min read
MIDNIGHT CONVERSATIONS: A HOME AND A HOUSE
<p>Some days I just sit on the edge of my bed, thinking about how life would have been if I didn’t exist.  </p><p>‎Just reminiscing past events and imagining if I wasn’t there in the scene.  </p><p>‎Flipping through the scripts just to see if my role could be replaced or even erased.</p><p>‎</p><p>‎I can’t help but think like this nowadays.  </p><p>‎Feeling anxious all of a sudden, my mind’s not at ease.  </p><p>‎My heart keeps racing like it’s on a track; it’s not at peace.  </p><p>‎Can’t stop until I get to the finish line; maybe that’s where my peace is.  </p><p>‎Feels like there’s a missing piece I can’t seem to find.</p><p>‎</p><p>‎What if the finish line is not where the journey ends?  </p><p>‎What if the journey is the destination?  </p><p>‎And now the world’s looking at me like, “What the hell is Bellamine saying?”</p><p>‎ “Oh, he’s at it again.”</p><p>‎ “Don’t you ever rest?”</p><p>‎ “Doesn’t it ever end?”</p><p>‎</p><p>‎I guess it never ends.  </p><p>‎I mean, life wasn’t supposed to be a smooth, straight and steady road.  </p><p>‎It comes with a lot of curves and bends.  </p><p>‎Maybe this is me swerving through these curves and bends.  </p><p>‎And if you have a hand or two to lend,  </p><p>‎I’d really appreciate the help.</p><p>‎</p><p>‎I think I need a friend, maybe a couple of them. The more the merrier, right?  </p><p>‎I don’t really care if they’re fake or they’re real friends.  </p><p>‎I just need to distract myself from these thoughts in my head  </p><p>‎before it explodes or implodes.</p><p>‎</p><p>‎I could use a pat on the back or a red rose.  </p><p>‎I thought it was cool when I pushed everyone away; now I’m all frozen.  </p><p>‎Do you think I was wrong for pushing everyone away?  </p><p>‎Do you…?  </p><p>‎You weren’t even listening.  </p><p>‎So, I’ve been speaking to myself all this while? How convenient.</p><p>‎</p><p>‎This is why I push everyone away.  </p><p>‎It’s like they are there but not really there.  </p><p>‎Like they can hear me but aren’t listening.  </p><p>‎It’s like they are with me, but aren’t there with me.</p><p>‎</p><p>‎How do I explain this?  </p><p>‎It’s like having a house and a home.  </p><p>‎A home is practically a family; it’s welcoming and warm.  </p><p>‎While the house is… uh,  </p><p>‎What’s the word for it again?  </p><p>‎Yeah, cold.  </p><p>‎You could almost hear your own breath echo.  </p><p>‎And that’s what staying around them feels like: a house, not a home.</p>

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