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THE FOURTH STEP
<p>Every bad thing in life happens in 4 steps.</p><p>And you never notice until you're on step 4.</p><p>I remember my therapist gave me 4 steps to get better.</p><p>1. Write it down.</p><p>2. Say it out loud.</p><p>3. Forgive them.</p><p>4. Let go.</p><p><br/></p><p>The fourth step was the hardest part for me.</p><p>It felt like it was the most impossible thing I could do.</p><p>Off course I did the first three.</p><p>I wrote 12 pages. My hands cramped.</p><p>It wasn't as I expected </p><p>It wasn't easy.</p><p>I said it in the mirror until the word tasted so solid -hard like metal.</p><p>I even said "I forgive you" to an empty chair.</p><p>I felt "after all it's all part of the process;it will all pass".</p><p>I thought I was climbing out. Turns out I was letting it climb in.</p><p><br/></p><p>Step 4 was supposed to be the easy one.</p><p>"Let it go"</p><p>It sounded easy. It was hell something else completely.</p><p>Though I tried......</p><p>I threw away the letters.</p><p>I deleted the pictures.</p><p>I stopped walking past that street just to stare at that house.</p><p>I stopped searching for answers.</p><p>I stopped asking questions.</p><p>I stopped waiting for wat was never coming.</p><p><br/></p><p>For 3 days, nothing.</p><p>Peace. Silence.</p><p>On day 4, I woke up and the house smelled like him .</p><p>Perfume I threw away 3 years ago.</p><p>I rushed to check the trash.</p><p>The letters....</p><p>My handwriting,but not my hand.</p><p>The pictures....</p><p>The perfume bottles...</p><p><br/></p><p>Right there I knew it wasn't over; Not that easily.</p><p>I thought I was climbing out. Turns out I was letting it climb out.</p><p><br/></p><p>That night I heard footsteps.</p><p>Not in the hall way.</p><p>In my head.</p><p>Step.</p><p>Step.</p><p>Step.</p><p>Step.</p><p><br/></p><p>That's when I realized.....</p><p>That's when it all made sense....</p><p>Step 1-3 were for me.</p><p>Step 4 was for it.</p><p>The first three steps sets you free. The fourth one sets it free too.</p><p>Letting go didn't make it leave.</p><p>Letting go gave it permission to move in.</p><p><br/></p><p>Now I live with it.</p><p>In my quiet.</p><p>In my sleep.</p><p>In that fourth step of my mind.</p><p><br/></p><p>And it's comfortable here.</p><p>Because I invited it.</p><p><br/></p><p>Don't ever take the fourth</p><p> step. That's when it stops following you......</p><p>And starts leading.</p>
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