The Parts I Don't Say Out Loud - by Chukwuka Valentine

I don’t think people understand how two things can exist at once.How I can laugh so hard with my friends that my stomach hurts, replaying stupid jokes and moments that feel like they could last forever…and still go home and feel this quiet heaviness sitting in my chest like it never left.Like that one night we couldn’t stop laughing over nothing, and for a second, everything felt okay.I really hoped, really prayed that it'd just stay that way but I guess things don't just happen the way we want them to.Because the truth is.....the good parts of my life are really good.The kind where I feel seen.The kind where love doesn’t feel complicated.The kind where I forget, even if it’s just for a moment, that anything ever hurt me.But then there are the other parts.The parts I don’t say out loud.The nights where everything is too quiet and my thoughts get loud.I don’t talk about how much some things still hurt me… but they do.The memories I wish I could delete but somehow replay in the smallest moments.The feeling of giving so much of myself to people who didn’t know what to do with it.And it’s not always dramatic.Sometimes it’s just… disappointing.Like realizing someone you cared about deeply didn’t hold you the same way.Like outgrowing people you thought would be in your life forever.Like learning, slowly, that love isn’t always enough to make someone stay.We’re not what we used to be… but if everything fell apart, you’re still the one I’d think ofAnd if everything came crashing down, I know exactly who I’d want beside me.Funny how, even now, some people still feel like home.Not everything lasts… but some feelings don’t really leave.Some days I’m okay.Some days I’m pretending.And maybe that’s enough for now.Maybe I’m not healed yet, but I’m not where I used to be.Still…There are moments.Small, soft, almost forgettable moments that somehow mean everything.A random laugh.A late-night conversation.A look that says “I’m here” without words.The way certain people make the world feel lighter just by existing in it with you.And I hold onto those.Because even when things feel messy, or broken, or unfinished-those moments remind me that not everything is bad.That I’m still here.Still feeling.Still trying.And maybe that’s the point.Not to have a perfect story.Not to erase the bad parts.But to feel everything, I mean -the good, the wrong, the worst…and still choose to keep going.

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