How To Build A Boy - by Bolu Tifeh

First,take a child.Nothing too unusual.Just give him soft cheeks, loud laughter, small dreams, and emotions that still move freely without shame. Now begin the training.Slowly.You don’t want him noticing. When he cries,do not ask what hurts.Laugh first.Then say:“Boys don’t cry.”Excellent.The conditioning has started. When he speaks too softly, correct him.When he loves too openly, reduce it.When he expresses fear, rename it weakness.Very good. Soon, he will begin editing himself automatically. Next step:Teach him usefulness. Applaud him more for performance than presence.Celebrate him mostly when he achieves.Clap louder when he suppresses pain professionally. If done correctly,he will eventually learn that being loved and being needed are the same thing. This part is important.Pay attention. Never teach him emotional language properly.Only give him:“I’m fine.”“It is what it is.”“Forget about it.”Perfect.Now watch him grow into a man who feels deeply but explains nothing. By sixteen, he should already apologize for vulnerability.By twenty, he should be carrying pressure silently like family inheritance.By thirty, people will call him “strong” because nobody has seen him emotionally in years. Outstanding.The process is working. And if he ever breaks publicly,act surprised.Ask:“Why didn’t he say anything?”Even though you spent years teaching him silence sounded more masculine than honesty. But waitdo not completely destroy the child inside him.Leave small traces.Enough for him to still crave comfort privately.Enough for him to still stare at ceilings at night wondering why existing feels like labor sometimes.Enough for him to still want someone to ask:“Are you really okay?”without rushing him out of the answer. Because beneath all the masculinity, many boys are still carrying the younger version of themselvesthe one that learned very early that emotions become embarrassing once a male body is attached to them. And maybe that is the real tragedy.Not that boys are taught strengthstrength is necessary. But that many are taught suppression before self-understanding.Performance before personhood.Endurance before expression. So today, on International Boy Child Day,maybe we should stop asking boys to become “real men” so quicklyand first allow them remain human long enough to understand themselves. 💥 Sometimes society does not raise boys.It manufactures emotional disappearance slowly… then calls the result masculinity.

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