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I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER
<p>In 2023, I made a decision that became one of the hardest things for me to live with.</p><p><br/></p><p>For a long time, I hated myself for it. Every time I thought about it, I wished I could go back and choose differently. Deep down, I even knew I might regret it. But at that moment, it felt like the only way I knew to save myself from the maze of delusion I was trapped in. So I chose what I thought was the best path, hoping things would somehow turn out differently.</p><p><br/></p><p>They didn't.</p><p><br/></p><p>Even now, remembering it still hurts. There are days the regret returns quietly.</p><p><br/></p><p>But something changed a few months ago. I was listening to one of my favorite songs, "Heart of Gold" by Tatiana Manaois. As the song played, one part stopped me...</p><p><br/></p><p><em>"Learning from all my mistakes</em></p><p><em>Some I wish I never made</em></p><p><em>Pray for the days to make it right</em></p><p><em>Oh I wish that I knew then</em></p><p><em>Everything that I know now</em></p><p><em>Is it too late to realized..."</em></p><p><br/></p><p>I couldn't hold back my tears. It felt like the song was speaking directly to the version of me I'd been punishing for so long. In that moment, I realized it was finally time to forgive myself. Not because what happened no longer mattered, but because carrying regret every day wasn't changing the past. It was only keeping me trapped in it.</p><p><br/></p><p>I realized I didn't make that decision because I wanted to hurt myself. I made it because, at the time, I simply didn't know better.</p><p><br/></p><p>That doesn't erase the consequences, and it doesn't make the pain disappear. But it helps me show a little more kindness to the version of me who was only trying to survive with the understanding she had.</p><p><br/></p><p>Perhaps that's what growing up really is. Not pretending we never made mistakes, but learning to forgive the person who made them because they knew less than the person we are today.</p><p><br/></p><p>♡ LISS WHISPERS</p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p>
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