I'm not what you need.

I stared at him trying really hard to understand what was going on with him. He sat on the couch across from the one I was sitting on with his eyes glued to his phone. I have been sitting here for the past half an hour and he has said nothing more than three sentences to me. I feel awkward around the man I had fallen in love with a year ago. A man that claims to love me just as much. "What are you doing, Daniel?" I asked with a knot in my belly. "Scrolling through Instagram." He answered without a glance at me. Like I was...barely even there. I swallowed hard, trying not to overthink anything. "You've barely said anything to me since I got here. What's wrong? It's like you don't want me here." Silence. I was answered with silence. That wasn't right. He must have not heard me. And so I repeated myself. "Daniel, I said you've barely-" "Ugh, I heard you the first time." He whined, sounding irritated. Then he slowly sat up and threw his phone to the side of the couch like he was frustrated about something. It can't be what I'm thinking, right? He looked at me, "What do you want me to say to you?" I was stunned. I shouldn't be though. He had been acting like this lately but he would always apologize at the end of the day. Mostly when I was at his place and we shared a bed. I had never thought too much of it. I just thought he was frustrated about something. Something he wasn't ready to tell me. Or... Was it really me? "I don't understand. You asked me to come over. Why call me if you have nothing to say to me?" I finally found the words. Words that explained my confusion. He subtly rolled his eyes but I caught it. I couldn't miss any of his expressions because I have my eyes glued on him. I really wanted to know what was going through his mind right now. He stood up and strolled over to me, and then sat down very close to me, looking at me with what I would have thought were loving eyes yesterday. I don't even know what I think of them now. I was very confused at the moment. He moved closer like the space between us wasn't already non-existent and snaked his hands around my waist and found my bum. "You know how much I love you right?" He asked sounding sweet and all. "Do you?" I asked with my heart racing but for a completely different reason. "Of course! I love everything about you." He said with his eyes roaming around my body along with his hands. That was all I needed. I knew I wasn't overthinking anything. It was all clear as day. I pushed his hands away and stood up so fast I almost stumbled. His touch, the ones that always made me feel safe and seen, suddenly irritated me to the core. "What's wrong?" He looked surprised. "Don't ever touch me again. Don't ever!" I said through gritted teeth as I held back my tears. I wasn't going to cry yet. Not now. And definitely not here. He looked confused as he stood up and tried to reach for me but I stepped back and slapped his hand away. "Why? Why didn't you tell me you've fallen out of love with me?" I started, his face turning all blurry as my tears threatened to fall. "Did you even have any feelings for me at all? You tell me you love me and then ignore me in the next second. You only wanted my body and not my presence. And here I was thinking you're everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever needed." "What are you saying, Sarah?" He asked not looking confused anymore. Like he knew exactly what I was talking about. "You didn't love me, Daniel. You never did." "Are you going to tell me how my feelings work? What more do you want from me, Sarah? I already told you that I love you. Stop all this." I shook my head firmly, "I might have been a fool for a whole year now but I'm not anymore. I know what love is. That's what I've been showering you all these while. And what you gave me back can't even come close to it. Why did you do this to me, Daniel?! I loved you so much! I loved you! So why?" "I swear it's not-" I slapped his hand away again as he tried to reach for me again. "I said don't touch me!" "But let me explain-" He was suddenly cut off by someone's entrance into the house. "Danny baby! I'm here!" A lady called as she strolled inside with a small travelling box. She stopped as she noticed us standing and gave a worried look instead of a surprised one. "Oops! Wrong timing?" "What do you think, Patricia?!" He snapped at her and I felt my blood run cold. I was sprinting out before I could think. I felt a hand grab mine and I snapped loudly one last time, "Get away from me! I'm not what you need. I guess you already have it so stay away from me!"

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