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9
One Way To Find Out
<p><span style="background-color: transparent;"><em>TW: Suicide, sibling loss. </em></span></p><p><span style="background-color: transparent;"><br/></span></p><p><span style="background-color: transparent;">Ada had always wondered what death was like. Not because she wanted to die, far from it. She wanted to understand why her older sister, Ava, had taken hers.</span><span style="background-color: transparent;"></span></p><p><br/></p><p>Ava committed suicide a year ago and since then Ada had been pondering on what it felt like for her to die. She didn't wonder, why she took her life. She already knew why. </p><p><br/></p><p>Ava didn't leave a note like most people do. She took a whole bottle of sleeping pills and ended her life. Ada knew why. Ava wasn't so bright academically. Her parents thought talking to her daily about improving and comparing her to Ada would help. It did not. It just made her feel inferior and stupid. Ava hated it, but she never projected it on Ada. She loved Ada more than her life even. </p><p><br/></p><p>Ada wasn't expecting her to commit suicide. It hurt so much that the only person she truly loved had died. Her parents wept, but she couldn't. When Ava died, she died with a piece of Ada. </p><p><br/></p><p>So, Ada wondered what it was like for Ava to take her life. Did she regret it? When she was between life and death? Or did it feel peaceful? Would she miss them wherever she is? In that few minutes between life and death, would she imagine how her room was going to be when she was gone? Would it be messy the way she always liked her room? Or would Mom step in and organize it for her? </p><p><br/></p><p>Would she think Ada will be sad? Confused? Angry? Would her parents cry? Would Ada cry? </p><p><br/></p><p>Did she wonder what her funeral would be like? Would it be sad? Or would some people be happy that she was finally gone, after all she didn't think she was valued. </p><p><br/></p><p>Would people that care about her be triggered when her name was mentioned? Or when her favourite food, series or drink was mentioned? </p><p><br/></p><p>Would she be missed or would her absence not be felt? And would they go on with their life and forget about her completely? </p><p><br/></p><p>Ava didn't know the answer to any of the questions and Ada assumed that Ava had only one way to find out.</p>
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