August. - by Ealo

Happy New Month.It's not as bubbly as you'd expect.Well...Because it doesn't feel that way to me.My alarm went off.1:00 a.m. — Work.As weird as that sounds, that's normal for me.It's a new month.But it doesn't feel like one.I checked the date, realized it was August...And I just sighed. The world has been unusually quiet on my end lately.Everything and everyone feels like a blur.I'm not particularly interested in anything.But then again, I can't be angry at the world.The world wouldn't even notice. My soul is tired.And lately, silence is all I've been getting from it. Even when I try to work...It just sits there and looks at me like,"This isn't what I want." It's almost like it's expecting something from me.Something I haven't been able to give it. At this point...I think my soul has already given up on me. The year started with some of the biggest plans I've ever made.You might laugh, but one of them was to make at least $10,000 this year. And reading 150 books this year. And it wasn't just wishful thinking.I had a plan.A solid one.Guess what?Everything flopped.Every single thing. I haven't read up to 40 books and I have about 20 unfinished books. Now someone tells me we're already in the eighth month of the year, and I genuinely don't know where the time went. I poured everything into projects I was convinced would be IT for me. Projects that felt like they were finally going to be the breakthrough.None of them worked.Three times this year.Three major opportunities.Three different disappointments. Sometimes it honestly felt like all my effort disappeared into thin air, as if I never tried in the first place. There were nights I genuinely wondered if I'd make it to the next morning. Not because I wanted to quit life...But because I wanted to escape myself.The constant noise in my head had become exhausting. Funny thing is...No one knew....or noticed.And looking back now, I don't even know if they needed to. Long story short...I'm still here.And right now, I think that's a win. July was chaotic.Maybe one day I'll find the words to explain just how chaotic it really was.But for now....... I survived it.Now it's August. A lot has happened.A lot has gone wrong.I watched things go from bad...to worse. But one thing didn't happen.I didn't go down with them.I made it out.Not untouched.Not unscarred.But I made it out. I guess that's what survival looks like.You're still standing...Even when life leaves its fingerprints all over you.So here's to August.I'm not asking for miracles.Just healing.August...Please heal the wounds.Don't give me new ones. My alarm goes off again.5am - let's get the day started. Happy New Month frens🎉

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