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87
The Faulty African Daughter
<p><br/></p><p>You say I don't wake up in the morning to take care of the house, yet you never have a clear example of how the house should look.</p><p><br/></p><p>You say I don't contribute to the cooking, yet I was sent to a boarding school before I could learn to wield a knife.</p><p><br/></p><p>You say I'm too selfish, always putting me first, yet whenever I put others first, it goes unnoticed or gets criticised.</p><p><br/></p><p>You say I should call my siblings to order, yet you're the one who gave them the authority to treat me like a servant and a stranger in my own home.</p><p><br/></p><p>You say I should consider your feelings and emotions, yet whenever my emotions and feelings are brought up, they're sidelined. They're regarded as unnecessary, and I'm told I should toughen up.</p><p><br/></p><p>I'm also a human.</p><p><br/></p><p>You say I should always call our relatives, yet when I do, they assume it's to complain or ask for money.</p><p><br/></p><p>The activities of other family members are translated to me, as though I am responsible for every silence, every problem, every unanswered call.</p><p><br/></p><p>You say you don't see my use in the home, yet when I leave, you can't seem to find anything or do anything.</p><p><br/></p><p>The home remains a mess. Everyone is suddenly incapable. And somehow, me being a thousand miles away is to blame.</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe I was never the faulty daughter.</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe I was simply the daughter who was expected to know everything without ever being taught.</p><p><br/></p><p>The daughter who was expected to give without being allowed to need.</p><p><br/></p><p>The daughter who was expected to be responsible for people who were never my responsibility.</p><p><br/></p><p>The daughter who was expected to be strong because everyone else had decided that my feelings were an inconvenience.</p><p><br/></p><p>I have spent so much time trying to understand what exactly I am doing wrong.</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe the problem isn't that I don't do enough.</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe the problem is that whatever I do has become expected, and whatever I don't do becomes evidence against me.</p><p>So when I leave, the absence of what I used to do suddenly becomes visible.</p><p><br/></p><p>The house notices.</p><p>Everyone notices.</p><p>But somehow, I'm still the faulty one.</p><p><br/></p><p>I am tired.</p>
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7
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