The pain we chose - by Dera Writes

It started with a cry, not the usual one. This cry was different. It was sharp, restless, and full of discomfort. I rushed to the baby’s cot and picked my baby up. He was hot. Very hot. “Gbenga!” I shouted. He came running into the room. “What is it?” I looked at him, panic filling my chest. “He’s burning. Something’s wrong.” Gbenga touched our son’s forehead and swallowed hard. “He’s got a fever.” He didn’t waste any time. Within minutes, he had the baby wrapped in a soft blanket while I packed a small bag with wipes, clothes, and his bottle. My hands were shaking so badly that I could barely put anything inside the bag. We rushed to the hospital. The doctor took him in quickly, and we waited outside the ward. My legs couldn’t stop bouncing. Gbenga paced back and forth, rubbing the back of his neck. My mind was racing. Sickle cell. Was this the beginning of it? Tears filled my eyes, but I bit my lip. I didn’t want to cry yet. I couldn’t. Then my phone rang, It was Gbenga’s mother. I hesitated before picking up. “Fikayo? How’s my grandson?” she asked. I couldn’t hold it anymore, I started crying. “Mummy... he’s sick.” “Oh no. What happened?” she asked, her voice immediately filled with concern. “They’re checking him now. He had a high fever this morning,” I said in a teary voice. She went quiet for a moment. “I’m coming to the hospital. Text me the address.” I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me, and ended the call. Some minutes later, the doctor came out. I immediately stood up. His expression made my heart sink. “He’s responding,” he said slowly, “but we’ll keep him for observation.” I let out a shaky breath. I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or more afraid. Gbenga came closer and held me. “He’s okay, bae. Be strong, okay?” he whispered. I nodded against his chest, trying to believe him. A few hours later, Gbenga’s mother arrived. Her wrapper was tied tightly around her waist, and her eyes were filled with concern. “Where is he?” she asked softly. “In the room with the nurse,” I replied, wiping my face. She sat beside me and held my hand. “I know how it feels, my dear,” she said quietly. “But you’re a mother now. God will give you strength. Don’t be afraid.” I nodded silently. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe everything would be okay. Then the doctor returned. This time, something about his face was different. Cold, and heavy. He slowly removed his glasses and sighed. “I’m very sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Kolade.” My heart stopped. I stared at him. I hadn't heard the whole statement yet, but somehow, I already knew. Doctors didn't say those words unless something was terribly wrong. “No...” I whispered. The doctor looked at us. “We did everything we could.” My lips trembled. “Doctor... what happened?” He took a breath. “The baby didn’t survive.” For a moment, I didn't understand what he had just said. I stared at him. The words kept repeating inside my head. Didn't survive!! Didn't survive!! Didn't survive!! “No.” My head shook violently..“No, you’re lying.” My voice broke. “No... Oreofe is fine. He was just sick. He only had a fever.” My legs suddenly felt weak. “The fever...” I whispered. “He was going to be fine.” The doctor lowered his eyes. “His body was too weak. We tried to stabilize him, but he didn't make it., As I’ve always said, carrying an SS child is extremely risky, we did our best.” the doctor said.” A sharp pain tore through my chest. My ears started ringing. The room became blurry. And then I screamed. “Oreofe!” My cries filled the room. “Oreofe mi!” I covered my face as tears poured down my cheeks. “What happened to my baby?” My voice cracked. “My son... my baby...” Gbenga rushed to me and held me tightly. I could see the pain in his eyes. It was deep, Sharp and broken. “Fikayomi...” he whispered. I pushed my face against his chest and cried harder. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “We’ll be fine. We shall be fine.” I shook my head. “No, Gbenga. No!” I screamed through my tears. “Oreofe! I believed in you!” I could barely breathe. “I believed you would be okay.” Gbenga held me tighter, but there was nothing he could say. Nothing that could bring our son back. Nothing that could make the pain disappear. Then, suddenly, Gbenga’s mother stood up. Her face had changed. She turned toward the doctor. “Doctor...” Her voice trembled. “Are you saying the baby was SS?” The doctor looked at her and nodded slowly. Silence filled the room. She turned sharply toward Gbenga. “How?” Gbenga closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. Then he opened them. “Mum... I lied to you.” She stared at him. “What do you mean by that, Gbenga?” “I love Fikayo,” he said quietly. “She's also AS. That’s how we had SS child.” His mother stared at him in disbelief. “You lied to me about her?” Gbenga didn't answer. “For what?” she demanded. “Love?” Do you know what this means? Do you understand what you've brought upon your own future?” She turned toward me, her eyes were already filled with anger. “This is what she will keep giving birth to! Children with pain and Suffering!”Gbenga tried to speak, but she cut him off. She pointed at me. “You are crying now. Didn't you know this before you got pregnant? Didn't you think? please, I’m still young! I don’t want to bury any grandchild again in my life!” Then she turned to her son. “She will have to leave your house, Gbenga. I won’t accept this again.” With the statement she made, my heart shattered all over again. This was what I was avoiding... now it's hitting on me so hard. My mother in law is now showing me her true self. “Mum,” Gbenga said quietly to his mother. “Please let her be. This isn’t our fault, It’s the pain we chose. Not a mistake, it's a choice. Please... let her be.” His mother stared at him, then back at me. Her eyes darted around the room. Then she turned and walked out of the hospital. I sat there broken, but not alone. Gbenga was still beside me, still holding my hand. And through the pain, through the heartbreak, I knew one thing: even if Oreofe was gone, we had loved him.

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