What Happens When You Can't Explain How You feel?

Sometimes, I know I'm not okay. I just don't know what kind of “not okay” it is.Have you ever been completely fine or at least you thought you were and then someone asks you, “What’s going on?” And suddenly, you burst into tears.The person is confused.You're confused too.They might even start blaming themselves for asking the question. “Did I say something? Did I do something?”But sometimes, they didn't do anything.Sometimes, the question simply opens a door you didn't even know was closed.And before you can explain what is happening, your emotions come rushing out.I think that's one of the strangest things about emotions. Sometimes, you don't even realize how much you've been holding in until someone gives you a reason to let it out.The hardest part is that people often expect us to have an explanation for everything we feel.“Why are you sad?”“Why are you quiet?”“What happened?”And sometimes, I wish we could simply say:“I don't know yet.”Because sometimes, that's the truth.There are also times when I just want to be alone.Not because I'm angry with anyone.Not because I don't want to be around people.I just want to be left alone with my thoughts.Sometimes I want the silence.I want to sit with myself, think about everything and nothing at the same time, and if it gets to the point where I need to cry, then I'll cry.Quietly.No explanations.No “What's wrong?”No one trying to figure me out.Just me, my thoughts, and whatever emotion decides to show up.For me, one of the ways I deal with those moments is by talking to my mirror.Yes, my mirror. 😂When I'm sad or bothered, sometimes I just stand in front of it and start talking.I tell myself everything.The things I'm angry about.The things that hurt me.The things I don't understand.The things I probably wouldn't even know how to explain to another person.And the best part?My mirror doesn't interrupt me.It doesn't judge me.It doesn't tell me I'm overreacting.It doesn't try to immediately find a solution.It's just me, saying everything out loud.And sometimes, that's enough.And then there are those moments when I cry without even knowing exactly why.Nothing particular happened.At least, nothing I can immediately point to.I just cry.And strangely enough, after the tears, I feel better.Maybe my body understood something my mind hadn't figured out yet.Maybe I had been carrying more than I realized.Or maybe sometimes, a good cry is simply a release.I used to think I needed to understand every emotion before I allowed myself to feel it.Now, I'm not so sure.Maybe it's okay to not always have the right words.Maybe “I don't know” is sometimes a complete answer.Maybe you can be sad without knowing exactly why.You can feel overwhelmed without being able to explain what overwhelmed you.You can need space without necessarily being angry.And you can cry without having a perfectly reasonable explanation for every tear.Perhaps understanding how we feel doesn't always begin with an explanation.Sometimes, it begins with simply admitting:“Something is happening inside me, and I don't know what it is yet.”And maybe that's okay.Maybe we don't have to figure ourselves out all at once.Sometimes, we just need to give ourselves permission to feel.Maybe that's where understanding begins. ❤️

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