ANY HOW SHA.... - by Nomshu Writes✨

Nobody really tells you how strange becoming an adult feels.One minute, you’re a child whose biggest problem is deciding which cartoon to watch, and the next, you’re in university trying to figure out your future, your friendships, your money, your relationships, your time, your faith, your entire personality… and somehow you’re still expected to know what you’re doing.I don’t.Some days, I feel like I’m doing a pretty good job at this whole adulthood thing. I wake up, go to class, hustle, make plans, try to make money, try to maintain friendships, try to respond to people before they think I hate them, try to remember deadlines, try to be present, try to be a decent human being. And then some days, I can barely manage myself.Time management is something I have apparently decided to have a lifelong feud with. I procrastinate. I disappear. I get overwhelmed. I have ten things to do and somehow find myself staring at my phone for an hour. I make plans with people and then realise I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to fit everything into one day. Being consistent with friendships is even harder. I care about people deeply, but sometimes I don’t know how to maintain closeness. Sometimes I’m so wrapped up in my own life that I forget to check in. Sometimes I want to talk but don’t have the energy to explain everything going on inside my head. Sometimes I miss people and still don’t text them. And then there’s the weird part where you realise that people can love you and still misunderstand you. I think that’s one of the hardest things about growing up. Wanting to be understood so badly, but not even knowing how to explain yourself. There are days when I genuinely wish I could disappear. Not die. Not anything dramatic. Just… disappear. Leave every group chat. Delete every account. Change my name. Move somewhere nobody knows me. Start over with no expectations attached to me. No old versions of me following me around. No one remembering the stupid things I said or the person I used to be. Just me, somewhere quiet, figuring myself out. Because sometimes adulthood feels like being perceived all the time. Everyone has an idea of who you are supposed to be, while you’re still trying to figure out who you actually are. And somehow, in the middle of all of this, the things that make me feel the most at peace are some of the same things that made me happy as a child. Dolls. Cartoons. Old movies. Little things that probably shouldn't make a twenty-year-old this happy, but somehow do. There’s something so comforting about them. I can have a horrible day, feel lonely, feel behind in life, worry about money, be frustrated with myself, feel like I’m failing at school and friendships and adulthood in general… …and then I’ll watch some stupid cartoon I used to love as a child and suddenly I’m okay. Not fixed. Just okay. And maybe that means something. Maybe the things that made us happy before life became complicated don’t stop being meaningful just because we grow older. Maybe we’re allowed to keep them. Maybe growing up isn’t about killing every childish part of yourself. Maybe it’s about learning which parts of that child you want to take with you. The part that gets excited over little things. The part that can spend an entire afternoon doing something for no productive reason whatsoever. The part that still believes happiness can be found in something as simple as a cartoon, a doll, a favourite snack, music playing in the background, or lying in bed with absolutely nothing to prove. I think I miss that girl sometimes. Not because she had everything figured out. She didn't. She just didn't think she needed to. Now I’m constantly thinking about the future. What am I doing with my life? Am I doing enough? Am I making enough money? Am I a good friend? Am I wasting my twenties? Will I graduate and be okay? Will I ever feel settled? Why does everyone else seem to know what they're doing? And while I'm busy trying to become this impressive, successful, well-adjusted adult, sometimes I forget that I’m literally just a person trying to figure things out for the first time. I’m hustling. I’m learning. I’m messing up. I’m making friends and losing friends. I’m falling in and out of love with people and versions of myself. I’m learning that some relationships require more effort than I have to give, while others survive even when I’m quiet. I’m learning that loneliness can exist even when your phone is full of people. I’m learning that being independent is beautiful until you realise how badly you want someone to ask, “Are you okay?” and actually mean it. I’m learning that sometimes I need to rest instead of trying to fix my entire life in one night. And I’m learning that I don’t have to have a perfect explanation for where I am right now. I’m twenty. Of course I’m confused. Of course I’m still changing. Of course some days I’ll feel twenty and other days I’ll feel twelve. Maybe that’s not something I need to be ashamed of. Maybe adulthood isn’t one big transformation where you wake up one morning suddenly knowing how to manage your time, maintain relationships, make money, make decisions and understand yourself. Maybe it’s just a collection of tiny moments where you slowly become someone you recognise. And maybe, for now, I’m allowed to be somewhere in between. Not quite the little girl I used to be. Not quite the woman I’m going to become. Just me. Hustling, healing, laughing at cartoons, getting things wrong, trying again, wanting to disappear sometimes, wanting to be loved, wanting to be understood, and figuring it out as I go. I think I’m still becoming. And honestly? I think that’s okay.

Other insights from Nomshu Writes✨

Referral Earning

Points-to-Coupons