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131
A messy surrender.💗
<p>It’s currently 10:19 p.m.</p><p>I sit here under the rain, eyes filled with tears, a heart overwhelmed with emotions, a mouth whispering to its Lord, and a soul that’s tired.</p><p><br/></p><p>I sit at the edge of the wall, where the roof only slightly shields me from the rain. My hijab and abaya are soaked, dampened by its gentle touch.</p><p>My skin is cold, freezing like ice in a refrigerator but what’s inside me is burning.</p><p>It can’t take it anymore. So I cry.</p><p><br/></p><p>Eyes clouded with tears.</p><p>Mouth repeating, “Ya Rabb… Ya Rabb…”</p><p><br/></p><p>I say I’m strong… but am I really?</p><p><br/></p><p>I hold in my emotions like a wall blocking every feeling from showing. I convince myself I can handle it all, even when I know I lied to myself.</p><p><br/></p><p>But tonight, I let it out.</p><p>All of it.</p><p><br/></p><p>I’m not strong.</p><p>I'm far weaker than I thought.</p><p>And for once… I don’t care.</p><p><br/></p><p>Because holding it all in was never the answer.</p><p><br/></p><p>We lie to ourselves, saying “I’m fine” when we’re not.</p><p>We scroll endlessly, trying to numb the pain, covering invisible scars.</p><p><br/></p><p>But today, I tell myself this:</p><p>I’ll let it out but only to my Lord.</p><p>I won’t feel shy in front of Him. I’ll cry loud, deep into the night, because I know He understands every pain, no matter how small.</p><p><br/></p><p>He hears. He sees. He knows.</p><p><br/></p><p>So I wrote this to you, human:</p><p>Cry if you need to.</p><p>Write if you need to.</p><p>Break down if you need to.</p><p>Because it’s all part of the journey.</p><p>A messy, raw, beautiful journey.</p>
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