RED FLAGS 🚩 - by Àdàññé Çhísóm

I went to my school’s relaxation centre because I was extremely tired from rehearsal. Being a Performing Arts student is not for the weak, abeg. 😩 So I was there, trying to rest and mind my business, when I overheard two girls discussing. Now, pardon me, I love gist joor. 🤧 So I adjusted myself small to hear properly. Girl A asked, “Babe, that your guy nko?” Girl B replied, “We’ve broken up.” Girl A screamed. “WHAT?!” The scream nearly burst my eardrum. 😑 “Oya, what happened?” “He is stingy joor.” I was like… Stingy ke? Because according to her, she had never billed this guy throughout their relationship. She laughed and continued. “See babe, my ex, I never billed him. But for the four months we dated, this guy bought me data every blessed week till the relationship ended. Anytime I went to his side, he would offer me food. Na him own dey naturally come. And me, I will never bill a guy I love. Never. Shebi even if this one was buying me airtime, it would have been better.” Then she continued, “But this one doesn't even offer me food. In fact, he will tell me to cook and bring it to him with my own money and my own gas!” At this point, I was already fully invested in the gist. 😭 She said she made her hair one day and this guy fought with her because she should have snapped it and sent it to him first. Then she started talking about her birthday. Apparently, she was discussing her birthday photoshoot with him when he told her: “Girls have problems. Just use your old pictures.” Wow And apparently, he had bought clothes worth ₦20k and got angry because she didn't smile enough about it. The girl was like, “Should I have gone to Ibaka market and started dancing because you bought clothes worth ₦20k?” 😑 At this point, I had to look away because my face was already betraying me. 😂 But here's the interesting part. She admitted that the guy was actually caring. He wasn't a terrible person. He just wasn't giving her the kind of treatment she wanted. And even though this guy was already talking about marriage, she said: “I can never marry someone like him.” That statement actually got me thinking. Because sometimes, someone can be a good person and still be the wrong person for you. You can love someone and still realize that there are certain things about them you cannot tolerate long term. And honestly, that's where relationships get complicated. Because nobody is perfect. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. We all have flaws. We all have habits our partners might dislike. Sometimes, love makes us overlook those things. She even said they fought two days before her birthday and only settled after Girlfriend’s Day. At this point, I couldn't hold myself anymore. I burst out laughing. Both girls looked at me. I quickly apologized and pretended to mind my business. Damn, I was ashamed. But as I was leaving, I kept thinking about their conversation. Was she right to break up with him? Or was she expecting too much from a relationship? Is a partner being “stingy” simply because they don't naturally spend money on you? Or is it actually about thoughtfulness, generosity and the little things they do for you? And if someone is caring in some ways but has certain traits you know you cannot live with in marriage… Should you overlook it because nobody is perfect, or leave before it becomes a bigger problem?

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