The Sheep and the Wolf - by Ajiboye Victor

I embody both the sheep and the wolf.Most of my life has been a search for which one I truly am. I've always been the black sheep in my family—an oddity, a misfit, the child who seemed to be different even without trying. Many think being the black sheep is a choice, as if I decided one morning to step away from the flock. But in reality, it chose me long before I grasped its meaning.My childhood was an innocent adventure filled with mistakes, punishments, beatings, and lecturesInterestingly, outside my home, I was seen as the good, innocent, respectful child an example for others. Yet, inside, a different story was unfolding. Not because I was pretending or acting this was genuinely me. The truth is, what people saw was real, but what they didn't see was real too.I was a child trying to understand himself while everyone around assumed they already knew me. They judged me by my face, my silence, my calmness, believing they understood my heart because of my smile. But no one ever asked what was happening beneath the surface. The truth is, I have hurt those I love—not out of hatred or a desire to cause suffering, but because I acted impulsively, sometimes so overwhelmed by my own confusion that I didn't consider the damage I could cause.There are moments I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to slow down, think, listen, and understand that every action leaves a mark. But life offers no refunds—only lessons, often paid for with pain.For a long time, I wore that pain—a badge of honor sometimes, unknowingly at other times, as a way to hide the hurt.As I grow older, I realize I no longer want to be the wolf.Today, I am more like a sheep—more thoughtful, more understanding of consequences, caring more, listening more, trying harder.I've changed—or at least I believe I have. Still, life has a cruel way of timing. Just when I start to become a better person, the repercussions of my past actions begin catching up.And so, I find myself between who I was and who I am.Watching old mistakes come back, and yesterday's actions demand payment from my present self, is a strange feeling.To know I’ve changed but still be judged by my past, to try but still be haunted by who I once was—that's part of growing up.Maybe redemption isn't about escaping the past but owning it, learning from it, and continuing to improve despite it. What I do know is this:I am both the sheep and the wolf. The wolf represents my past self—the boy I used to be. The sheep is the man I strive to become.Between them, I am learning that growth doesn't erase consequences but gives me the strength to face them.So if my past mistakes are catching up, I will meet them—not as the wolf, but as the sheep I worked so hard to become

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