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93
WHAT I MEANT TO TELL YOU
<p>I walked home with the ghosts of his hands on me,</p><p>praying the streetlights would stitch me back into my body.</p><p>Silence sat heavy, the kind no breath can clear,</p><p>and I kept pretending the tremble in me was anything but fear.</p><p><br/></p><p>What I meant to tell you</p><p>was that I didn’t feel safe,</p><p>not even a little,</p><p>not even with you.</p><p><br/></p><p>I learned too young that girls are trained to swallow the night,</p><p>to smile like obedience means everything is alright,</p><p>to hold the hurt quiet so no one calls it loud,</p><p>to shrink into corners and call it being “good,”</p><p>too much like breaking the rule that said girls must endure to be good.</p><p><br/></p><p>What I meant to tell you</p><p>was that your words were blades,</p><p>soft-edged, careful,</p><p>but cutting just the same.</p><p><br/></p><p>The room felt smaller every time he stepped near,</p><p>His voice a warning I forced myself not to hear.</p><p>His said you were joking, he said I was sweet,</p><p>but I felt my ribs tighten, retreat by retreat,</p><p>because the way he looked at me didn’t feel like looking.</p><p>It felt like taking.</p><p><br/></p><p>What I meant to tell you</p><p>was that I didn’t feel safe,</p><p>not even a little,</p><p>not even with you.</p><p><br/></p><p>The <em style="">hurt they don’t see </em>grows teeth in the dark.</p><p>It gnaws at the shape of a girl until she forgets her own heart.</p><p>The world expects her to be soft, to be small,</p><p>to stay quiet, take the blame, carry it all.</p><p><br/></p><p>And loud crying is never considered good,</p><p>good like silence, like stillness,</p><p>good like asking for someone to hear.</p><p><br/></p><p>I carry the story in pieces, held tight to my chest,</p><p>the words I never spoke because speaking felt like a test.</p><p>But memory has a way of refusing to stay still,</p><p>and every time I try to forget, it crawls back in at will.</p><p><br/></p><p>What I meant to tell you</p><p>is that it happened,</p><p>and it hurt,</p><p>and I deserved a world</p><p>where someone listened</p><p>before I broke.</p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p>From: The '<strong><em>Unspoken Versions Of Me'</em></strong> series </p><p>Pt 1b</p><p><br/></p><p>Ps, this is talking about the relationship of a girl who's been sexually assaulted with someone she sees as a "safe space" and the guy who sexually assaulted her.</p>
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