MEMOIR OF A SERIAL PLAYBOY

READERS' DISCRETION IS ADVISED!!! Happy new month, my neighbours, especially those who have been consistently single. You deserve not just flowers, each one of you should drop your address, I am sending you all gardens instead. So, I have news: I have unlocked veteran bachelor level. This feat is no ordinary one. I must say, overcoming the pressure to get married especially when everyone else seems to be "happily married" is not small task. My name is Sir Kola Badmus.I am just an ordinary man, fortunate to be blessed with good looks, and, by extension I have been enjoying countless fine-boy benefits. I have a rich history of romantic relationships, which of course, almost always come on a platter of gold seeing as I fit perfectly into the class of TDH — tall, dark and handsome. It's no news that many ladies would forgive guys like me what they regard as unforgivable simply because c'mon, for most of them, having a handsome boyfriend, for some weird reason, earns you a bragging right among their peers. Fast forward to the present, the year is 2026 and that young man is now 46 years old. My memory: a sea of faces, a crowd of exes, flashes of one-night stands, sneaky links but none made it to the present. Now, I ask myself: what was I really searching for? Was it the thrill of another conquest? What was the true sponsor of my philandering ways? It's easy to be blinded by one's own looks, to feel entitled to a love you're unwilling to give because others should be privileged to be in your space. You're the prize not for doing but simply being. My younger self knew good looks meant little effort was required to not just have hearts melting into goo but panties coming off at the snap of a finger. The unspoken code: much efforts only came from guys ladies settled for. The handsome dudes, like us, cause the damages and behind us, a trail of broken hearts follow. Like I earlier mentioned, most ladies are only truly desirous of guys with picture-perfect faces, the presence of well-trimmed beards, strong biceps and other visibles that make them swoon. A memory comes to mind: my friend Gbola, a good guy in every sense of the word, but not good-looking to win the heart of his crush, Sewa. Seeing him break down every time she rejected him made me think deeply how shallow many girls were. I mean, dude had gone over and beyond for said girl and while she kept receiving his gifts, basking in the beaming glows of his undivided attention, she kept turning him down. Well, to help a brother, with his permission of course, I had her in my bed with far lesser effort. It might not be the right way to go but I had to make her feel the pain of a broken heart. At the end of the day, having seen all and done all, I can say with zero risk of being wrong, the good-looking guys have and will continue to be the true reason for the pains many ladies are nursing, they are the offenders whose punishments are being served to "nice guys", which really is another word for broke ugly dudes. Many ladies who still feel the hurt from a past relationship are deep down still in love with their handsome exes. It takes a veteran to know this. If I were to advise any guy out there, I would simply say: one no from a girl is enough because ladies know who they want from the get-go and they almost always never reject a good-looking dude. The same pick-up line but has different impact because of the speaker.

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