MIRROR - by Olumuyiwa Adesanya

Hello there!! It’s me again. Well, not so much of an introduction. It’s time we chatted. Let’s just say I love to think I’m loved somewhere by somebody or some people who cared about me somehow someway. This was how I communicated or rather gossiped with myself. My subconscious became my partner, my secret bearer. Only I understood myself or was it a version of that someone I wanted? Everyone found my behavior quirky, out of norm, somewhat irritating and un guy like. My voice didn’t give away masculinity but there I was, struggling between growth and development. I felt ostracized. Being left out had its advantages, you know??Only I get to talk to myself about how I perceive some idiots’ evaluation, laugh at their poor command of English, below mediocre fashion sense and overall countenance, a bit forceful and irrational. I always thought it was for attention. But deep down, I wanted it, most of it. A taste for it. A yearning for teenage adventure. Hello there, can you hear me??I couldn’t concentrate. My thoughts found it intrusive for a person to intrude in our conversations. Can’t you let me be with me? All you are going to say is, “you have started again!! I mean, who talks to themselves!” I sighed out of discomfort. “If you can excuse me, I need time for myself.” The person left discontent by such brashness. Sorry me, where was I? “Have you ever thought about your sex?”“Was I born a mistake or this is just how I will be questioned for being true?” “I never had a thought.” I responded. “Don’t you think this is draining?”“What is?”“Having to talk to me about my problems?”“But only I understand us. No one can fathom our intellect.”“Isn’t that hubris?”“I say it is self worth”“Self worth or self pleasure. I thought we were discussing self discovery.” “We know ourselves better. Besides, the thought of being surrounded by dummies makes this more worthwhile. You get more time to embrace your superiority in academics.” “But you know I’m not all that good?”“Conceal it. Show flawlessness.” I sat, exhausted from pacing. ‘Am I homosexual?”“Thought doesn’t equal intention.”“What if it does? I want to taste of it and therefore act it, even though I know it’s wrong.”“Me, I know you get hard and the antenna wants….”“Forget it.” “Let’s find something else to do. What about….” Good night!!

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