ARE WE OVERTHINKING COMPLIMENTS? - by Emetekefe Akpovwovwo

I seriously feel this needs to be addressed and I would really love your opinion on it. Are we overthinking compliments? It feels like something as simple as saying “You look good” or “Nice work” now comes with a full baggage of assumptions, expectations and possible misinterpretations. Somewhere along the way, compliments started becoming conversations we replay in our heads later, questioning if they were genuine, sarcastic, condescending or laced with some hidden meaning. Instead of receiving them with ease, we hold them up like x-rays, checking for cracks. What brought this to my mind was a post I recently saw on Instagram. A woman had shared a post of herself, she looked absolutely beautiful and youthful. Someone commented, “How are you 42 and still looking this good.” At first glance, it felt like a compliment but the woman responded in a follow-up video, saying, “This comment is supposed to be a compliment but it is not, because when you say things like ‘How are you still looking good at 42,’ it is laced with ageism.” That moment made me pause. I could see where she was coming from, but I also wondered if we are now overanalyzing kind words. Are we getting too creative with compliments that we do not know when we are crossing the line into impoliteness? We are slowly becoming afraid to give compliments. We hesitate. We edit. We overthink what used to be a natural human gesture. Someone tells us we did a great job and we ask ourselves, “Is there a but coming?” Someone says we look nice and we wonder if there is a comparison hidden in there. This isn’t to say people do not still mean well, but many of us have become suspicious of even the good intentions. Of course, it is true that some compliments are poorly worded. Saying things like “You look good for your age” or “You have lost weight, you look better now” can sound more like backhanded jabs than kind remarks but not everyone means harm. Sometimes, people are just trying their best to express admiration in the only way they know how. So what is the balance? Should we train ourselves to be ultra-sensitive, or should we learn to accept compliments with grace, even when they are not perfectly delivered? Have we become so socially cautious that we are afraid to give or receive compliments without dissecting them? Maybe we do need to be more thoughtful with our words but maybe we also need to ease up and let people be kind to each other, even if they do not always say it the way we expect. Not everything has to be perfect. Sometimes, it is enough to say “Thank you” and carry the goodness of the moment with you. I am really curious, are we getting it wrong with compliments, or are we just overthinking it? I want to hear from you. Share your thoughts in the comments.

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