Picture this : an email pops up in your inbox with a tricky, important, or stressful problem that needs to be solved.
Do you ….
1. Read it through and then ask yourself, " okay , what do I need to do about this ?". or say to yourself, "I'm going to figure this out."
2. Scan through the email quickly, immediately feel overwhelmed and close the email saying, " I'll think about this later".
These examples of two different coping strategies. The first is called "problem-focused".. In this strategy, you try to approach the challenge from different angles, look for information about how to address it, or break it into manageable pieces.
The second is called 'avoidance-focused". The problem stirs up uncomfortable emotions within you, and because they feel overwhelming , you avoid the problem, pretend its not happening, or personally blame yourself for it.
Problem-focused is related to wellbeing, while avoidance - focused is related to depression, anxiety,. That's why , if you are more of an avoidant coper, it's important to learn the skill of problem-focused coping.
Start practicing with smaller problems. The next time one pops up (in your inbox, in your home, in your life), and those painful emotions start to arise within you, you just have to do one thing : breath through it. Focus on your breath until your emotions fade away. Don't close the email or walk away from the issue. Breathe in, breathe out. Stay with it.
Congratulations! you just faced your discomfort and came out the other side. Now that you're here, you can ask yourself : " what is one way I might start to address this problem?".