FLIP SIDE - by Jefferson Nnadiekwe

Something significant happens in the life of a person that leaves a permanent effect on them. For some, it alters just a smidge of their personalities - and for others, it changes them entirely. Whether this change is good or bad, that is subjective to each individual. 2021 brought with it my own 'nexus' event. The loss of a loved one burns its mark on an individual. A mark that may fade, but never truly goes away. I remember praying to God and telling him that I wasn't ready to lose my father as at that time he was in the hospital (nobody is actually ready for the loss of a parent). Anyway, long story short... I lost my Dad a day after saying that prayer. What went wrong? Wasn't my prayer loud enough? Or did God just not care? These and more were some of the questions than ran through my mind as I processed the news. Short answer; God's will is not always what we expect. That is another insight of mine - for this insight, let's dwell on something else. All my life, my father had served as a sort of safety net for my siblings and I. Whether in terms of advice, guidance or even financially - I knew that whenever things looked bleak I could always run to him for assistance, and of course my mother too. An abrupt removal of that net was something that I never thought I was ever going to get used to. While I still have my mum, there is definitely a void left by my Dad leaving. Among other things such as the lesson that humans are mostly selfish and would drop you at the hint of any sign that you're of no use, I was forced to adjust. That cover wasn't there which meant I had to face the world in ways I didn't expect. I looked back at the reasons I felt I wasn't ready for him to leave, and obsessively thought of how to correct that. I hurt at the fact that he wouldn't be around to watch me truly flourish on earth. This is where the change truly kicked in. With the loss of my father came this insatiable hunger to succeed, the knowledge that I cannot depend on anyone followed. Summarily, it was like for the first time, I truly saw the face of the world. Without doubt, there is a difference between my post 2021 self and current self. Sometimes I ponder on all of these, and a question burns in my mind - why did it have to take loss to jolt me? I consider some people lucky in the sense that they are able to experience this jolt without having to experience tragedy. I wish my case was like that. Maybe things might have been different. Maybe some of the wins yet to come would have already come while my father was still alive. But I guess; better late than never. Change is an interesting phenomenon. Positive change is exhilarating. I didn't just realize this as I have always known. However, knowing something is completely different from the true feeling that comes with experiencing it.

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