The first time I ever saw my father cry was when my sister passed away. The next time I saw him cry was when I turned 20. Staring at my father's face made it clear that he wasn't just my hero; he was human. I could see and feel the emotions he felt by gazing into his eyes. His tears reflect a journey many are unaware of, a tale that may never be told. To date, I struggle with "grief." It's one elephant that fellowships with us through life. After I pecked my sister's face that morning, something left me. A core part of my being shifted. If this was a church, I'll say it felt like the move of God. I didn't know how much of my life would change. The truth is that grief can alter the course of your life. There are a thousand and one books on grief, but we will never crack the grief code because it is probably not engraved in our DNA.
Grief weakens the strongest of men and makes gods human. It makes men curious and raises questions that may never be answered. I remember praying for God to take parts of my body and just bring my sister back. I could have traded my life for her, and I will still do so if it is possible. Unlike physical injuries, grief is a scar that periodically shows up. It's temporary in a permanent way. I hope that makes sense. It gives you the impression that you're healed, only to resurface when triggered.
Sometimes we attempt to lie to ourselves and say that we're strong and have moved on. Don't rush grief. Also, it's best to acknowledge it and go with the flow intentionally. You may not be used to being vulnerable, but you have to try. Your closet shouldn't be your only fan. I know people grieve differently, and you may withdraw from others. I get that this may work for some people, but not all. Sometimes it's in the midst of the right people that our burdens are lifted. I had my family and a tonne of people looking out for me.
You're not bigger than grief! It's a course no one plans to take. Grief is information, and it gives direction. It has a way of making you do things you may not do normally, and it could blur your vision. Again, don't rush grief. In another sense, it's energy. Yes, it zaps you sometimes, but in other cases, you get super pumped. The issue is that it could get you back into habits you had let go of. I think this is why having the right shoulders to lean on is critical. In fact, there should be an app and a safe space where people can share their thoughts and get help when grieving. It could be called "VENT." If reading this has got you reflecting on some sad circumstances, just breatheeeeeeeee. Inhale, exhale, and repeat.
Grief can get you back into addiction. This is because people want to forget the root cause of what caused them grief. They want to drink away the memory or get high. This is only a temporal release. Post nut clarity will definitely come up, and the joke will be on you. Although painful, I accepted my loss and made peace with who I blamed for it—God. You should try settling with whoever caused you grief. It might help. Maybe grief is just part of life. It's worse when you blame yourself or when you believe you caused your own grief. That's on another level, but you can find your way out. Forgive yourself.
I equally think we sometimes hold grief dearly, as if it has become part of our identity. It's like some kind of hook. In other words, you may start enjoying the feeling. Please, do not become one with grief. Please decline. You don't want to be that person who is known for being constantly unhappy. Yes, what happened to you was terrible, but you can beat it and not pull everyone around you into sadness. You may lose people while grieving, and it's not entirely their fault. When grief is all you have, you tend to protect it. Free yourself; you can beat grief.
YES, YOU CAN.
GRIEF
By
Samuel Ibok