How do you avoid falling in love with the wrong person?

This is a really complicated question. Part of what helps is to know who the "right" person for you is and what that looks like rather than acting on chemical attraction or shared interests/experiences. Most of the people I know who have been with the wrong person did so because that person was someone they spent a lot of time with (within the friend group, went to the same school, or workplace) or that they found "hot." While you have to be attracted to the person you're with, that isn't the only important factor. For me, it was always about peeling away the stuff that won't last and setting it aside in favor of looking at core qualities that would last for a lifetime. Everyone gets old. Everyone lives their life largely outside of the public eye and will spend time in frumpy clothes with messy hair because it's ridiculous to expect them to keep up appearances 24/7. Everyone experiences setbacks in life in various ways including job changes and loss of income. When I chose my husband, who I still adore and am very happy with after 35 years together, I made a list for myself of what I valued in a partner: honesty, communicativeness, kindness, being affectionate, attentive, intelligence, and "ambition" (which didn't mean he had to be driven, but just meant he had to be growth-oriented), and emotionally stable. Honesty was huge for both of us. We don't lie to each other ever - not even over little crap. People don't believe me when I say that, but it's true. That doesn't mean we're being blunt and speaking up about every little thing, but we don't lie when a topic is discussed and we talk about things which bother us. I specifically didn't want someone who was a "go-getter" or wanted a big career with a ton of money because I wanted someone who would spend time with me and those things contradicted each other. One thing that is important to keep in mind is that one quality will often come at the expense of another. Someone who is attentive and affectionate probably isn't going to want to give you a ton of alone time so, if you need that, you should factor that into the equation. People can't just be there when you want them and go away when you don't. It's unfair. You also can't have someone who is in a high-powered job who also does things with you often as that doesn't work either. So, I think the first thing you should do is sit down and know yourself. Write down who you are and what you want and if what you want actually fits who you really are. Ask your friends how they see you and if your version of you fits theirs (because often we aren't who we think we are). Figure out what sort of person would fit with you and look for those traits in a partner. If you're hormonally driven and tend to get fired up by someone even if they're the wrong person, then I'd suggest not getting into serious relationships until you're older and less controlled by your biology. My husband and I were lucky because neither of us were slaves to our hormones even at a young age (and I think we would both be defined as demisexual), but each person is different. If you're fueled by physical passion, have fun until you're ready to look beyond physical chemistry and don't get into anything too serious until you settle down a bit. No one is ruled by hormones forever and you'll be better able to find a good partner rather than just being with whoever turns you on. I will love to see other writers view about the topic, in the comment session

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