<p>Guys I'm so tired.</p><p>I'm so drained right now honestly. </p><p>My mind is racing, my head is spinning. This has to be the most vulnerable I've ever been to any mental breakdown ( writing publicly).</p><p>I usually do this in my journal, when moments like this come, but I have my page here, and I could do whatever I want.</p><p>Ioono but I don't feel myself, I feel so numb. The funny thing is that I just finished praying fervently not too long, and now tears are dripping from my eyes profusely as I write this.</p><p>I feel like God is upset with me. Not because I sinned or something, but because why do I trust him and still doubt?.</p><p>I don't want to push further again 😔.</p><p>I feel like the world should stop moving for me to adjust, but not even in my wildest imagination will that happen.</p><p>I've talked to God, trust me when I say I trust him, but something just triggered my long pampered pain💔.</p><p>Everything feels bulky, I want the weight to be cut down a pinch, maybe I'll feel better.</p><p>No one feels safe enough to talk to, or maybe I don't want to stalk anyone with my problem.</p><p>Can I just skip to the good part?......like I'm so drained......goshhhhhh 😪🧖🏿.</p><p>I need a 1 minute stretch hug with someone, assuring me that everything will work out eventually. Because it will I know, but sometimes I forget 💔.</p><p>I forget that I'm strong.</p><p>I forget that I'm a Jesus baby.</p><p>I forget that I'm daddy's girl. I forget that God has helped me this far. I forget my love for academics that I begin to think I made the wrong choice pursuing any career. I forget how loved I am at home. And I forget myself, who I am 😭.</p><p>This is currently 12: 10pm.....LoL.</p><p>I don't know how to feel. Hopeful? Yes I am. Calm?, why should I ?, well I am...but my inner heart is burning from unforgotten coals. </p><p>I can't even find my best friend 💔. I'm just sunk in the middle of the bed while listening to CONTENTED WITH JESUS by kaestrings 😭.</p><p>Is it okay to breakdown? cuz I have.......</p><p>I'm freaking "tired" and I mean every alphabet of the word.</p><p>Fortunately for me I can't commit suicide ❤️💔.</p><p>Should I switch? Should I sleep? Should I cry?, I'm already crying though.</p><p>It's like I know what to do, but I don't know how to do it 😮💨.....</p><p>Omoooooooooooooor ×50</p><p>I could write a book on how I feel rn. I'm kinda scared of the unknown, but I highkey know God gats me. </p><p>That's a picture of me I'll forever cherish. Because I took it when I was lost, almost committed suicide, broken, in chaos but choose to have peace. Choose to let the sun shone on me 😭❤️. I choose calm over chaos. How brave of me. But I still don't taya sha.</p><p>Well I just broke down 😭. I don't know why.....do you??. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.</p><p>Issokay, I trust God anyways😪.</p><p>Good night Dee♡♡!</p>
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