I've Not Had My First Kiss

Is this a safe space? Some days I wonder what it feels like,the butterflies,the spark, the closure, the silence, the warmth, between the two of us... sorry I mean two people. "Pauses in romantic imagination mixed with a patient smile" Remember I asked you at the beginning if this is a safe space 👀, and you said .....Yes!. Yes you said so!.Now it's nice that you've agreed. Well the truth is I almost had my first kiss. If you judge me , you'll tip me!Agreed? Okay! They say you never forget your first kiss. Maybe that's true. But what about the one that almost happened. We were friends, but not the usual kind of friends. The one that had strings attached. The one that sprouted feelings tied around genuinty.I'm not gonna lie, I loved him so much. He did also. We had great moments together. Late night text and even few meetups.He was handsome, very attentive and intelligent.The way he respected me made me curl more deeply in love.Younno all those lovey,dovey stuff right ---------------------"So you've never had your first kiss". Those were the words that came from him at the sprout of our conversation. Yes I haven't, is it not normal?I replied." you should be ashamed to say something like that out", he replied.He promised me, maybe swore that he was going to give me my first kiss and I'll do nothing about it. I thought it was a joke. He goes thus " I'll kiss you and if you slap me, I'll kiss you again". Mheen inside of me I was intrigued in a shocked manner....lol 😂.A normal me would have ended our bond because of that. But love kept me. Maybe that was his love language. But not mine. Maybe I was so in love with the first personality presented, that I didn't see the one that followed after. It was a soft evening, the sun sinking low, painting the sky in shades of gold. We were sitting side by side. Talking about nothing and something at the same time. He made me laugh, the kind of laugh that rolls from your belly and lingers on your lips. I sensed the atmosphere of lips being colided. But for some reasons I was SAT. I didn't flinch. Maybe a part of me wanted to give in. But somehow my standards were stronger than . The moment wanted to give in but my soul was stronger.Not gonna lie, deep down I wanted to give in but not truly. I thought "it wouldn't hurt right?". I wanted to feed my curiosity.He leaned closer . Just enough for me to feel his breath against my cheeks. My heart raced. My hands went cold. It felt like one of those movie scenes where everything slows down and you know what's about to happen next. I imagined his lips run through mine In refusal. He called out to me as I turned my face directly towards his, like my answered prayer was on his face."don't worry" he said.But I knew what was just about to happen....LoL.. Then it happened...well, almost happened.But then I turned my face away. My mind spoke louder than my emotions. " you know this isn't you". This isn't what you stand for". That wasn't the first time. There were many attempts. Because of course he promised he was going to do it.We were both in love. I know but........... ------------------I was only 17. And though the world makes it seem as though you are missing out if you haven't had your first kiss. I was reminded that my value wasn't tied to a kiss. Not even a sweet, innocent one. So I flinched a bit and changed the subject. He didn't push. He respected my boundaries. And just like that the " almost" moment faded, leaving behind a lesson I'll never forget and a mistake I'll never make again. Sometimes, we romanticize “firsts” so much that we forget they don’t define us. Not having your first kiss at 17, 18, or even 21 doesn’t make you less lovable, less beautiful, or less wanted. The world will try to tell you you’re behind, but you’re not. You’re just on your own timeline, and that’s perfectly okay. Because the truth is, your first kiss, just like every special moment shouldn't be rushed. It should be intentional, meaningful, and worth remembering for the right reasons. And until then, you’re still whole, still enough, still worthy of love and every good thing. So yes, I almost had my first kiss… but I chose myself, my standards, and my God instead. And I don’t regret it, not even for a second. Ps- since today is you'all girlfriends day. Don't give your lips to a stranger for temporary pleasure 🌝.

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