The Resident Madness: A Valentine Special

"Love is such a funny concept. You know, for aeons, centuries, people have always wondered what is love? And when asked, people always define it as some fairy-like feeling. People are always like, they feel safe, love makes them feel safe, makes them feel seen, makes them feel that they are covered. It makes them feel butterflies in their stomachs, and I thought they were right when I finally met him. I mean, he was everything—a perfect gentleman, everything and so much more than I could ever want.People always told me that I was emotionless, I was cold, I couldn't be gotten through. But they couldn't be farther from the truth. I felt emotions, I feel emotions, I feel them stronger than anyone else, and that is something they could never understand. And when I fell for him, I fell for him so hard, and I thought this must finally be bliss—having such a wonderful feeling for such a wonderful person.I thought my life could be complete, was complete. I thought we had everything we needed, everything we could ever want. I thought I was enough for him, I thought I could be the only one he wanted. I thought I was good enough, I thought he loved me back.But that's just the funny thing. Love isn't some fairytale, some cute, some safe thing. No, love, love, love is so much worse than that. Love is—way—you couldn't be farther from the truth. Love, love, love isn't gentle. Love isn't having butterflies in your stomach, it's having needles pricking at your chest, wanting to claw out your heart and laying it bare for the other person to see just how much they have gotten under your skin, just how much they affect you. Love, love isn't gentle, love isn't a safe place, love isn't a safe haven.Love, love, love is a terrible thing. Love is such a terrible, visceral, all-consuming force, and it's so terrible, yet I couldn't help falling in love with him. I couldn't stop myself from loving him, I couldn't stop myself from having such feelings, even when I know they're going to be my downfall. You know, people always told me I was too possessive, that I was too fixated on things, and maybe they were right. Maybe they were. Maybe I was too fixated on this relationship, but I know that I loved him, that I love him.And very soon, I know that we're going to stay like that forever. So when I saw him with another woman, I didn't cry, I didn't have any emotion, but I was angry. I thought I alone was enough for him, but it seems that wasn't the case. But I could fix that. You see, the problem with love is that it's so fragile when it's moving. It changes, it lies, it walks out the door. But I, I will fix that. I will catch the love before it flies away.Which is why this Valentine, I have such a beautiful, special gift for the one I love. You know, I could finally understand why Aristotle defined love as a blend of madness and reason. There is always some madness in love, but there is always reason in that madness, and I could finally relate to it. I could finally see where he was going with it.He always said I had his heart in my hands, and this Valentine, I'm finally gonna have it. I heard him walk before—walk through the door before he even called my name. I heard him sit down at the table. I smiled, I served him his food, and I watched, slowly, slowly, as he couldn't say a word, as he slurred, as his eyes closed.When he finally came through, I looked at him and I smiled. He looked terrified, but what I saw was love. Maybe he'll finally feel the love in my heart for him. So I told him, 'Hey babe, I feel we aren't on the same page with our love, and I'm gonna correct that. I'm gonna fix it, I'm gonna right it, I'm gonna make sure you're mine, mine, and mine alone. Happy Valentine's, babe. I love you.'And when I carved out his heart, finally having it in the palms of my hands, I looked at him. His eyes looked so, so, so dead. Looked so empty, and yet, I could feel the love as his heart laid in mine. Finally, finally, as I finally have his heart in my hands, we could stay exactly how we were, together, forever. The betrayal didn't hurt anymore. He, he was finally mine, permanently, completely, and finally we could stay together in the home I will build for him and for us. I kissed him and whispered the love, the words I've always wanted to tell him, and I'll keep telling him over and over again: 'I love you, babe. Happy Valentines to us.'"

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