TwoCents | When Arguments Stop Being About Learning

One of the most frustrating things about arguments today is that they’ve shifted from being opportunities to learn into heated battles where the goal is simply to win.   Now, you might be thinking, "But isn’t that the nature of arguments?" No, it's definitely not! An argument is not a display of eloquence or intelligence. The goal should be to exchange perspectives, not to dominate the conversation and turn it to a word- wrestling match. I’ve engaged in enough arguments to realize that most people aren’t interested in understanding—they just want to prove they’re right.  That’s why you’ll never find me in heated conversations—except for structured ones like debates, where at least I get the chance to express myself without being cut off in anger or by emotions.   And... The most difficult kind of person to argue with is someone who doesn’t know, doesn’t realize they don’t know, and isn’t open to seeing beyond their current perspective.   Oops! I hope I haven’t lost you yet.   No matter how much effort you put into helping them see from your point of view, they keep dragging you in circles.  They are so fixated on what they believe, and the funniest part? What they know is often based on shallow or outright false information.   I remember once telling someone, "You can't win an argument with me."   Surprised, he replied, "Oya, bring it on—I will win!" I just smiled and said, "When I say you can't win, I don’t mean I will defeat you. I mean I won’t engage in an argument for the sake of proving who is better at arguing, it's not a win-win thing for me, If I want that I would go contest for a debate, at least I would get a price." For me, it’s simple: I will state my facts and allow you to state yours. The moment you interrupt me or start arguing just to dominate, I leave. There’s no trophy for winning an argument, so why should I stress?   Once you share your point, I will analyze it and respond. But, one thing I won’t do is argue just for the sake of winning.  My aim is to communicate my beliefs and listen to yours. If you convince me, great. If not, I’ll present my facts and leave it at that.   If you don’t accept my perspective, that’s fine—I won’t force you. I’ll simply move on. Dazzal!!Have you ever been in an argument where the other person wasn’t listening—just waiting to fight you back with words?How do you handle people who refuse to consider another point of view, no matter how logical it is?I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section!

Other insights from Elizabeth Toluwanimi Olawale