WHEN LOVE STARTS TO SOUND LIKE LABOUR👷‍♀️💪

Sometimes, love can start to feel like work, I realized this last week while I was in a shop having a conversation with the owner. As we talked, an elderly man walked in and requested for his service. They had a little chit chat and the conversation shifted to marriage and the elderly man encouraged him to get married and told him why it is important to get married early.He said something along the lines of, “If you are married, you will have someone to help you.”At first, I nodded. That made sense. After all, people often say two heads are better than one. Even the Bible says, “One shall chase a thousand, and two shall chase ten thousand.”But as he continued explaining what he meant by “help,” I became uncomfortable.He listed things like:You won’t have to think about what to eat.You won’t have to worry about cooking.She will wash your clothes.She will clean the house.In summary, his definition of “help” was almost entirely about chores.And it made me pause, wondering where is the joy in this?Is this really what the Bible meant when it said, “I will make a "help meet" for him”?Because from that conversation, it sounded like: Wife = Helpmate = House chores. I understand where he is coming from. He belongs to a generation where marriage was often viewed as a system of practical assistance; someone to cook, clean, bear children, and manage the home.Sadly, this is still the view of marriage that some hold dearly today.But I believe the word helpmate goes far deeper than that.When we say a wife is an helpmate, it does not mean a housemaid.It does not mean a domestic worker.It does not mean someone whose primary purpose is labour.A helpmate is someone who helps you not just your laundry.A helpmate is someone who helps you:Grow as a personBecome better emotionally, spiritually, and mentallyBuild a meaningful lifeNavigate challengesDiscover purposeHealBecome accountableYour helpmate helps you become who God designed you to be.Yes, a wife can assist in taking care of the home because it is her home too. But that is not the full definition of her existence.If your desire to marry someone is solely for the purpose of washing, cooking, and cleaning, then what you are looking for is a house helpNot a wife.Marriage is not about recruiting labour.Marriage is about partnership.The Bible says: “One shall chase a thousand, and two shall chase ten thousand.”That is not a picture of one person sitting while the other carries all the load.It is a picture of two people standing together, pushing forward together, building together.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000889063.png"/>Marriage is not one-sided help.It is mutual help.Sadly, many people believe that because a wife is called a helper, she does not need help herself. They expect support but do not give support. They receive care but do not give care.But marriage was never designed that way.The Bible also says: A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one.Becoming one means: Your growth is my growth.Your pain is my pain.Your success is my success.Your becoming is my becoming.Love is supposed to be a place where people flourish.Love is supposed to be a place where people become better.Love is supposed to be a place of safety, support, and strength.Love is not a place where one person is reduced to a tool.Yes, responsibilities must be shared.Yes, the home must be cared for.But chores are not gender-based.They are human-based.Both partners should contribute according to capacity, season, and agreement.A wife is not a house help.A husband is not a slave master.Marriage is a partnership of purpose.A helpmate is not someone who merely helps you survive.A helpmate is someone who helps you thrive and be better. <img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000889061.png" style="background-color: transparent;"/>“Take a moment today to reflect: In your relationships, are you helping your partner thrive or just expecting them to help you?”

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