March Essay Competition

March 9 — March 22, 2026,

Prompt

The average man, regardless of creed, family background, religion, personal convictions, or social, economic, or marital status, will always feel threatened or intimidated by a successful, strong, independent woman.

Competition Home Page

Essay

Score

The Provider’s Ghost

By Esther Opakunle

March 13, 2026 · 745 words · 4 min read

⭐ 4th Place

Culture is often defined simply as a way of life, but if we are being honest, it’s more like an invisible architecture. It is a scaffolding of mindsets and inherited beliefs that dictate what is normal or acceptable. This internal blueprint is drawn long before we are even conceived, defining how we ought to live, speak, and function. Yet, at the heart of this architecture lies a structural imbalance: a rigid definition of masculinity that leaves the average man haunted by the ghost of a role he can no longer exclusively fill. Historically, the world was designed to keep women small. From the centuries where education was reserved for the male child to the subtle ways we still hold girls back, the message was clear: a woman’s power is a threat to the natural order. This isn't just a feeling; it’s a carry-over from the male breadwinner model of the Industrial Revolution, a time when a man’s entire identity was surgically attached to his economic superiority. I grew up in an average family where these rules were law. My brother played football and washed the car, grooming himself for the outside world. I, on the other hand, was groomed for the kitchen.  In a typical African home, being caught watching a movie while your mother is cooking isn't just laziness; it’s a grievous crime. I knew that if I stepped out of line, the kind of resounding slap I’d receive would be so legendary my future children would hear the story. I was being taught to serve, while my brother was being taught that his only value lay in his ability to provide. This belief system is passed down like a heavy, dusty heirloom. Even our Social Studies teachers joined in, painting the father as the provider who is never around and the mother as the domestic anchor. But here is the catch: when you tell a man from birth that his only value is his wallet, you break him. I saw this vividly in a conversation with my father. When I asked why he rarely called me while I was away at school, his response was gut-wrenching: he didn't have money, and he didn't want me to bill him. I was floored.  My father, a man I love regardless of his bank account, literally felt he had no standing to speak to his own daughter because he was financially unstable. He is being haunted by the Provider’s Ghost, the silent demand that a man must be a source of money, or he is nothing. This is exactly why the average man is intimidated by a successful, independent woman. Her independence makes his ghost visible. If she can pay her own bills, the man, who was never taught how to be emotionally vulnerable, doesn't know what to do with her. He feels like a king whose throne has been sold. This isn't just a private struggle; it’s a national crisis. In Nigeria, we are seeing a steady climb in divorce rates in cities like Lagos and Abuja. Many marriages are crumbling not because of a lack of love, but because of this power shift.  When a woman’s bank account rises, the man’s ego often sinks. In our culture, where the man is raised to be the Oga, a woman’s financial freedom can feel like a silent coup d’état. So, what is the cure? Identifying the ghost is only half the battle; we have to learn how to live with the new reality. For the independent woman, the balance lies in understanding that financial freedom is a tool for security, not a weapon for superiority. It takes a high level of emotional intelligence to separate financial power from relational respect. A woman can pay the mortgage and still value her husband’s leadership and emotional support. It’s about making him feel needed for his soul, even if he isn't needed for every kobo. For the man, the cure is a mental revolution. He must realize that a wife who brings more to the table isn't taking his headship—she is easing his burden. The goal is to move from a Patron-Client relationship to a Co-Pilot partnership. The average man isn't a villain; he is a victim of a system that told him he’s only worth what he can buy. We don't just need to empower women; we need to humanize men.  Only when we lay the Provider’s Ghost to rest will we finally be able to sit at the same table as equals, defined not by what we provide, but by who we are.

Final score

Average from 2 judges

83.8%

Judge 1 — 76.0%

Judge 2 — 91.5%

Average — 83.8%