I Became an Author Before I Felt Like One

I published my first book in 2014.I was a teenager then, so I never really considered it something big. Looking back at it now, I can laugh because the book had plenty of grammar errors. 😄 But at the time, I was just so excited to have written a book that I didn't care about any of that.I just wanted to write.Writing was already becoming a big part of me, much more than I could have imagined at that age. My head was always filled with ideas. Sometimes there were so many of them that it became overwhelming. I would finish one book and immediately feel the need to start another because there was already another story waiting in my head.I loved that feeling.I loved creating people who didn't exist and giving them lives of their own. I loved watching an idea that had only existed in my head slowly become pages.But somewhere along the way, fear started getting louder.What if I'm not good enough?What if nobody likes my books?What if I'm making a fool of myself?Those questions started changing the way I saw my writing. I became more conscious of what people might think. It was one thing to write privately, where nobody could judge me. It was another thing to put my work out there and allow people to decide whether they liked it.So even though I had already published a book, I didn't really see myself as an author.Maybe because I was young.Maybe because I didn't understand how big it was.Or maybe I simply hadn't learned yet that you don't have to feel important for something you've done to actually be important.Years passed, and writing never really left me.I kept writing stories. I kept getting ideas. I kept returning to that place where I could sit down and disappear into a world I had created.Then I started publishing again.This time, I understood what I was doing a little more.I knew there would be mistakes. I knew not everyone would like what I wrote. I knew there would be people who wouldn't understand why I chose to tell certain stories.But I also knew I couldn't keep waiting until I felt completely ready.I've now published several books, including THAT GIRL: That Girl Who Changed Everything, AM I ENOUGH, MYSTERIES BEHIND THE WEDDING, DANCING TO THE TONE, REVIVAL, REWRITTEN, BEFORE YOU CATCH ME FALLING, LOVED BY GOD, and DISTANCE.And sometimes, when I look at them, I think about that teenage girl from 2014.She had no idea where writing would take her.She probably didn't imagine that years later she would still be writing books, still having too many stories in her head, still wondering whether people would like what she creates.The difference is that I don't think fear has the same power over me anymore.It still shows up.I still have moments when I look at something I've written and wonder whether it is good enough. I still get nervous about putting my work in front of people. I don't think that ever completely disappears when you genuinely care about what you create.But I have learned that being afraid doesn't mean I should stop.I think that's what took me the longest to understand.I was waiting to feel like an author before I allowed myself to really believe that I was one.But I had already written the books.I had already published them.The title was never waiting for me to become confident enough to claim it.I was an author long before I felt like one.And when I think about that teenage girl who published a book in 2014 with all those grammar mistakes, I don't feel embarrassed anymore.I actually feel proud of her.She didn't know what she was doing, She just knew she had a story to tell.And maybe that's where every writer begins.

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