Score |
133
R3n
Student @ University of Benin
Student @ University of Benin
I’m Alone. But I don’t want to be.
<p>I am alone.</p><p><br/></p><p>In its own way, that is true. Not because I want to be, but because it’s the best thing I can come up with at the moment.</p><p><br/></p><p>I grew up silly and energetic. Being an only child meant I had plenty of time and space to explore my interests, so my world was always filled with distractions. That changed when I started going to school. I met people I had never seen before. I watched them connect with one another, form friendships, and become part of each other’s lives—and I wanted that too.</p><p><br/></p><p>Looking back now, I realize I’ve always wanted to make a genuine connection with someone. But every time I try, I somehow fuck it up.</p><p><br/></p><p>I say the wrong thing. I react the wrong way. I overstep, or I overstay. I never really learned how to communicate properly with people. I always thought they would just understand what I meant.</p><p><br/></p><p>Now that I’m older, I can see how many bridges I’ve burned because of my own mistakes. And somehow, instead of getting better at understanding people or being someone they can keep in their lives, I feel like I’m only getting worse.</p><p><br/></p><p>So, for now, I’ve given up.</p><p><br/></p><p>I’ve tried so many times that it feels like I simply can’t get it right. I’m a perfectionist, so whenever I make a mistake, I immediately want to fix it. And when I get angry, all I want to do is destroy everything I had created and worked for.</p><p><br/></p><p>It didn’t take long for me to realize that I was part of the problem. So I chose isolation as the next best thing. I stopped trying.</p><p><br/></p><p>But now, when I see people connecting with each other, I feel a thump in my chest. And even if I do make friends, I feel like I’d have to keep them as far away from my heart as possible.</p><p><br/></p><p>I can’t control the quarrels. I can’t control whether people stay or leave.</p><p><br/></p><p>But watching someone walk away from me breaks me more than I know how to explain.</p><p><br/></p>
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