I didn't want to be like other girls.

I wanted to be the special girl. The one you had been searching for. So I started being out of the ordinary, slowly just wanting to look remarkable to you.

Only that I was losing myself.

I didn't want to be like other girls,

Who saw your cute eyes and drew from their first conversation the realisation that your eyes were something beautiful, and so was your intelligence and impeccable aura.

I wanted to feign indifference, to keep from falling so fast. But the more I tried, the more obvious it became that your charm had worked.

I was so drawn in.

I didn't want to be like other girls.

I know you tell me about how they loved you, and something in me wanted to outlove them. To prove I could get you, even though you had never chosen anyone.

And that remark you made about “tiring her out” made me decide I was going to be the one who wouldn't get tired of your highs and lows. It strengthened my resolve to get the “prize.”

I've never thought I would be like other girls.

Your charm is all-captivating, and how quickly it is to get intertwined. Indeed, just a few poorly planned outings and conversations.

A shame, really, how your perfume outlasts the intimate moment, and just a few minutes later, we are back to ground zero.

The fear of being like other girls.

To walk away like they did when they saw that chemistry is just one thing; the man underneath is the one you are going to deal with.

To walk away is to face the rejection and the fear that you are actually like other girls.

Maybe I am like other girls, and recognising this should have saved me the heartbreak they all went through.

Auditioning for the role of the special one before the judges: an array of the same kind of men, just scattered around different spheres of life.

Avoidant. Selfish. Narcissistic men who will pick themselves every day.

I am like every other girl.

I loved. I gave. I cared. And I am learning to walk away when it starts to hurt.

Here I am, redefining my worth and tending to my specialness outside the eyes of the panel.

Because, it is not a special thing to be chosen by a man. Your existence itself is special. Anyone you have to audition for is already the wrong one.

So here I am, healing just like every other girl.