"My Three Chapters" - by Eniola Ayoola

Before I understood what love was, I had crushes. Three of them, to be exact: Fidel.Daniel.Favour. I can't really remember how it started, but I do remember that I really, really liked him. He was cute. Very cute. Extremely cute. Okay, maybe that's too much, but I was seven, so I think I can be forgiven. His name was Fidel. He had lovely teeth and pretty eyes, and somehow, just thinking about him gave me butterflies. I told all my friends about him. I even took them to his house. I must have talked about him a lot because eventually, all my classmates knew, and they started calling me “Fidelity Bank.” We were childhood friends and church members, and in my seven-year-old head, he was definitely going to be my first kiss. I imagined how he would ask me out, probably something dramatic like what I'd seen in Henry Danger. But childhood crushes don't always survive childhood. Things became different, and as we grew up, we drifted apart. So did those feelings. Then I became ten, a “preteen,” as my church called it. I was growing and developing and trying to figure out this new stage of my life. Then came Daniel. At first, I didn't pay much attention to him. He and his family were new to the church, and he was quite popular because of his foreign accent and probably because he was from the UK. He was cute, but I didn't want to get involved until fate brought us together or at least, that's what I called it back then. One Sunday, he sat beside me in class, and we had a test that day. I had forgotten my Bible, and he gave me his. And that was it. I remember how Adrien gave Marinette his umbrella in Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir, and I thought this was basically the same thing. We eventually talked, and it turned out that I passed the test while he didn't. Naturally, I made fun of him. It was fun,laughing, talking, and joking about things I can't even remember now. I remember being nervous when I wanted to ask what class he was in. When I finally asked, he told me, with a cute smile, that he was in Grade 8. He asked me what class I was in too, and I told him. It was such a small interaction, but to me, it meant everything. This crush made me want to go to church just to get a glimpse of him. Even though I couldn't really talk to him after that, I liked replaying that little moment in my head. The feeling was amazing. I really didn't want it to end. 😂 But it did. We became teenagers, and we changed. I started having issues with my self-confidence and the way I behaved, and eventually, he travelled abroad. So that was that. And then there was Favour. I didn't notice him at all at first. I just saw him one day and thought to myself, He's cute. He was actually cute, just like the rest, but this time it felt different. He was quiet and mature. He wasn't like the rest of the guys I knew. He spoke with confidence, had this charming smile, and I knew I just had to have him. He didn't really associate with people like that, and I took that as an opportunity. Even when we talked or, more accurately, when I talked I could tell he wasn't comfortable at first. But I still wanted to get to know him, so I continued talking to him. I really, really, really liked him. That's three reallys, so you know it was serious. So when I saw an opportunity, I took it. We were having a teens' party at church where the girls had to ask the guys to be their dates. I wanted to ask Favour, but I was too shy. My friends encouraged me, though, and eventually, I asked him. Bad idea, by the way. He said he wouldn't be able to attend. I was really sad, but I tried not to think too much about it. Then, on the day of the party, lo and behold, he came. I was so angry and sad. Somehow, that crush turned into dislike. I found any way and every way to avoid him. But with time, that feeling disappeared too. As I grew older, I began to understand what those crushes really meant to me. Fidel taught me what it felt like to be little and innocent and to find someone attractive without really understanding what those feelings meant. Daniel taught me that small moments could become huge in my imagination. I could take one simple interaction and create an entire scenario in my own little world. Favour taught me that just because I like someone doesn't mean they have to like me back or that things will always happen the way I imagine them. I also realized that those crushes weren't necessarily because I was in love with these people. I was growing. I was discovering myself and learning that it was okay to have these feelings. I wasn't just going from Fidel to Daniel to Favour. I was going from being seven, to being ten, to becoming a teenager. I was growing up. Fidel wasn't my first kiss. Daniel couldn't become the love story I had pictured in my head. Favour wasn't the person I “just had to have.” And that's okay. They weren't supposed to be my love stories. They were just little chapters in the story of me growing up. I wasn't the only person who went through these stages. Crushes, butterflies, nervousness, disappointment, excitement those feelings are all part of growing up. And sometimes, they disappear just as quickly as they came. I'm sure my seven-year-old self would be disappointed that I never got to kiss Fidel. But I hope she knows that there was nothing wrong with those feelings. She was just growing up.

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