Sometimes “Sorry” Doesn't Mean I'm Sorry

Sometimes, I say sorry because I don't want to argue. Sometimes I say sorry because I don't want to be in someone's bad book. And sometimes, I say sorry because I'm tired of being the person who is always pointing out what someone did wrong. So I just let it go. “It's fine.” “Don't worry about it.” “Forget about it.” Even when, honestly, it wasn't fine. I remember a time when someone did something that really irritated me. And I was pissed.😭 I looked at this person and thought, “Is what you just did actually okay?” Especially because this was someone I considered a friend. Sometimes, I think friendship can make people too comfortable. You know that feeling when someone knows you're their friend, so they start behaving as though there are no boundaries anymore? Like because we're friends, you can just do whatever you want and I'll understand? I wanted to say something. I wanted to explain exactly why what happened annoyed me. But then I thought, “You know what? Forget about it.” Not because I didn't care. Not because what happened suddenly became okay. I just didn't want to carry it. Because I've realized something about myself. When someone does something that genuinely hurts or annoys me, I prefer to let them know. Not necessarily because I want an apology. Not because I want to start an argument. But because if I keep it inside, every time I remember the incident, I'll get angry all over again. And I don't want to keep reopening the same wound in my head. So sometimes, I'll tell you that you've annoyed me. And after I've said it, I move on. 1eiyruI'm not bringing it up every week. I'm not keeping a record of your mistakes. I'm not waiting for another opportunity to remind you of what you did. I've said my piece. I'm moving forward. But I also wonder how many times we say “sorry” or “it's fine” when what we really mean is: “I don't want this to become a bigger problem.” How many times do we swallow our irritation because we're afraid of being labelled difficult? How many times do we forgive without actually processing what happened because we don't want people to think we're holding grudges? How many times do we choose silence because explaining ourselves feels more exhausting than the thing that upset us? Maybe there is a difference between letting something go and pretending it didn't hurt. You can forgive someone and still acknowledge that what they did wasn't okay. You can choose peace without convincing yourself that you weren't hurt. You can decide not to hold a grudge without becoming comfortable with being disrespected. And maybe saying, “That wasn't okay with me.” doesn't make you a complainer. Maybe it just means you have a boundary. Because sometimes... “Sorry” isn't really an apology. Sometimes it's just the easiest way to keep the peace. And sometimes, what we really need to learn is that keeping the peace shouldn't always require losing our voice. ❤️

Other insights from Thoughtbyk

Contributor Points

Points-to-Coupons

Referral Earning