The Conversations I Have With Myself🪞

Am I the only one who feels like there is just too much going on in my head, and instead of talking to anyone, I just want to talk to myself?

Sometimes, I don't want advice.

I don't want someone asking me what's wrong.

I don't even want to explain myself.

I just want to be alone with my thoughts.

And somehow, when I'm alone, the conversations begin.

I argue both sides of an argument before the argument has even happened.

“If this happens, I'll say this.”

“But what if they respond with that?”

“Okay, then I'll do this.”

Before I know it, I've considered every possible response, weighed my advantages and disadvantages, and prepared myself for a situation that may never even happen.

At this point, I'm not sure if I'm preparing for life or preparing for a court case. 😂

But sometimes, my conversations with myself aren't about arguments.

Sometimes, I'm my own personal motivator.

I stand in front of my mirror and tell myself:

“I'm confident.”

“I'm beautiful.”

“I can do this.”

“Everything will be fine.”

“All is well with me.”

Sometimes you really have to become your own number-one person.

You have to encourage yourself, especially on days when you don't feel very confident.

And then there are the conversations that exist purely in my imagination.

My imagination can be so sweet sometimes. 😂

I could be walking down the road and suddenly imagine someone stopping me.

“How far? What do you know how to do?”

And of course, I start listing my talents.

“I do this, I do that...”

Then the imaginary person is impressed.

“Wow! That's great. You have so much talent. I'm going to get you something big. You need to establish yourself with it.”

And I'm just there enjoying the conversation like...

“God, thank you.” 😭😂

Or take examinations, for example.

Imagine reading only one or two topics because some of the others look too complex.

Then my imagination decides:

“Don't worry. Those are the exact topics they'll ask.”

I imagine walking into the examination hall and seeing those topics staring right back at me as the compulsory questions.

God, why me?*😭😂

Sometimes I even imagine someone randomly sponsoring my trip abroad.

Full scholarship.

Accommodation secured.

Job already waiting.

Everything sorted.

I'm just sitting in my room having a full orientation about my new life.

And honestly, the imagination usually feels so real and so sweet that I enjoy it for a while before eventually remembering:

“Okay... back to reality.”😂

But not all my conversations with myself are imaginary or funny.

Sometimes, they are about reflection.

Something happens during the day, and later I sit with myself and replay it.

“The way you approached that situation was wrong.”

“You shouldn't have said that.”

“You should have used another word.”

“You should have walked away.”

“Next time, handle it differently.”

It's almost like giving myself a personal performance review.

And maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Sometimes we need to sit with ourselves and honestly look at how we handled certain situations not to beat ourselves up, but to learn from them.

The funny thing is that I can get so engrossed in these conversations that I sometimes forget I'm not actually alone.

Then someone notices me talking to myself.

And suddenly, I have to improvise.

“Oh... I'm listening to something.”😂

Meanwhile, five seconds ago, I was having a full conversation, making arguments, giving advice, motivating myself, and probably planning my imaginary trip abroad.

Maybe I'm not the only one.

Maybe you do it too.

Maybe you have conversations in your head that nobody else knows about.

Maybe you rehearse conversations before they happen.

Maybe you argue with yourself.

Maybe you motivate yourself in the mirror.

Maybe you create imaginary situations and live in them for a few minutes.

Maybe you replay something that happened and tell yourself what you should have done differently.

And maybe that's just one of the ways we process life.

Because sometimes, the person we talk to the most is the person nobody else can see.

The version of us that exists when the room is quiet.

The one who knows our fears, our dreams, our embarrassing thoughts, our mistakes, and the things we don't always say out loud.