THE PART OF ME HE NEVER LOVED — PART THREE

I stared at the message until the screen went dark. Then I unlocked my phone and read it again. Freya, you need to find out what happened to the women before you. I didn't sleep that night. Not because I believed the stranger. Because I didn't. And somehow, that scared me more. I kept telling myself there had to be another explanation. People sent messages like that for all kinds of reasons. Jealousy. Revenge. A misunderstanding. Someone trying to destroy something they couldn't have. Alfred loved me. He remembered things I had forgotten telling him. He knew when I was overwhelmed just by the way I said hello. He had read pages of my unfinished novel that I was too embarrassed to show anyone else. He had held me when I cried over a rejection letter and reminded me that one person's opinion couldn't decide whether I was a writer. Those things were real. Weren't they? The next morning, I searched the women's names. The first one had been with Alfred three years earlier. The second, almost two years ago. The third had dated him for several months. The fourth was the woman from the photograph the stranger had sent me. Different faces. Different careers. Different personalities. But there was one thing I couldn't stop noticing. They all had bodies like mine. Not similar faces. Not similar voices. Their bodies. The same softness around the waist. The same fuller hips. The same kind of curves Alfred had always touched like they were something sacred. I closed my laptop. "No," I whispered. I hated myself for even thinking it. So I called Alfred. He answered on the fourth ring. "Hey, Freya." His voice sounded normal.Safe. "Can I ask you something?" "Of course." "Why did your relationships always end?" There was a pause. Then he laughed softly. "That's a very broad question." "I mean the women before me." The laughter disappeared. "Why are you asking about them?" "Someone sent me a message." "What message?" I told him. Silence. Not long. But long enough. "Freya, don't let some random person put things in your head." "Then tell me I'm wrong." "I don't even know what you're accusing me of." "I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm asking you." He sighed. "Some relationships don't work. That's life." "And what didn't work?" Another pause. Then he said, "Sometimes you meet people you're attracted to, but attraction isn't enough." Something about that sentence stayed with me. "Was attraction what you wanted from them?" "Freya." "Just answer me." "I loved those women in my own way." I swallowed. "In your own way?" "Why are you doing this?" "Because I need to know what you loved about me." He didn't answer immediately. And that was the moment something inside me shifted. Not because he had said something terrible. Because he hadn't said anything at all. I went to his apartment that evening. He opened the door and immediately knew something was wrong. "You look upset." "I found something." He stepped aside. I walked in. The photographs were still there. I had noticed them before. This time, I looked at them differently. "Tell me the truth, Alfred." "I've been telling you the truth." "No. You've been giving me answers." He stared at me. I pointed at the photographs. "Did you love all of them?" "Yes." "Then why do they all look like me?" He didn't speak. My chest tightened. "Was that what attracted you to me?" "Freya, physical attraction is part of a relationship." "I know." "So what's the problem?" "The problem is that I don't know if there was anything beyond it." His face changed. Just slightly. But I saw it. And suddenly I remembered everything. The way he looked at me when I wore certain dresses. The way his hands always found my waist. The compliments that were almost always about my body. The way he would tell me I looked incredible before asking how my day had been. The way he had encouraged my writing, yes, but rarely asked what I was afraid of writing. The way he knew what I looked like in every light but couldn't always tell when something was hurting me. I sat down. "Did you ever actually see me?" He looked wounded. "Of course I did." "Then tell me something about me that has nothing to do with how I look." He opened his mouth. Nothing came. I waited. He looked away. And that silence answered me more honestly than anything else could have. I started crying, not dramatically... The kind of crying that happens when your heart finally understands something your mind has been fighting for weeks. "I loved you," I said. "I loved you too." "No." He looked at me. "You loved having me." "That's not fair." "Maybe it isn't." I wiped my face. "But I need to be fair to myself now." He came closer. "Freya, what we had was real." I looked at him. "Was it?" "Yes." "Did you love my mind?" "Yes." "My dreams?" "Yes." "My fears?" He hesitated. "Of course." "My failures?" "I loved you." "But you don't know." He became quiet. I stood up. "You loved the version of me that made you feel something. You loved the way I looked beside you. You loved touching me. You loved being wanted by me. Maybe you even loved talking to me. But somewhere in all of that, you forgot there was a person underneath everything you desired." He didn't argue. And strangely, that hurt more. Because I think some part of him knew I was right. "I never meant to hurt you," he said. "I know." "Then why are you leaving?" I looked at him for a long time. "Because being loved shouldn't require me to disappear into the parts of myself you find attractive." He reached for my hand. I stepped back. Not because I hated him. I didn't. That was the hardest part. I still loved the man who sat with me in that café for two hours. I still remembered the first time he kissed me after asking permission. I remembered his voice when he told me my writing mattered. I remembered the night he held me while I cried. Those memories didn't become fake just because I finally understood them differently. But love isn't only about whether someone made you feel something. Sometimes you have to ask what they were actually loving when they were loving you. I left his apartment that night. I cried in the taxi. I cried when I got home. I cried over the relationship, over the woman I had been inside it, and over how long I had mistaken being desired for being deeply known. For weeks, I couldn't write. Every time I opened my laptop, I stared at the blank page. Then one evening, I opened an old document. The unfinished story from the café. The one Alfred had teased me about when we first met. I read the first few pages. Then I started writing again. Not about Alfred. Not about revenge. Not even about heartbreak. I wrote about a woman who had spent years believing that being chosen was the same thing as being seen. And somewhere in the middle of writing her story, I realized I was writing mine. I finally understood something I wish I had known before I met him. There is a difference between someone being attracted to you and someone being curious about who you are. There is a difference between someone wanting your body and someone wanting to know the life that exists inside it. And there is a difference between being beautiful to someone and being loved by them. Alfred had made me feel beautiful. For a while, I thought that was the same thing as being loved. It wasn't. Because the part of me he loved most was the part he could touch. And the part of me I almost lost was everything he couldn't. My thoughts, my fears, my dreams, my voice... My becoming.The woman underneath the body. I finished the story three months later. I gave it a title. 'The Part of Me He Never Loved.' And for the first time, I didn't write because I wanted someone to choose me. I wrote because I had finally chosen myself.

Other insights from Favour Joseph Adi

Contributor Points

Points-to-Coupons

Referral Earning