WHAT ELSE CAN I DO? - by Olumuyiwa Adesanya

Being a while I think. Just preparing for the next academic session. The higher it goes, the more challenging. I mean, all my thoughts are just; “What will be the outcome?”“How will I cope”“This decision I am going to take, will it help me or affect?” “I think too much, I should just drown myself in music that will make me feel reeeeal good.” ( that long e should be longer because what I mean ehh) “Have rest of mind.”“Worry less.” I can’t oo. What will happen if I relax and become to relax? That was my occupation, to be too busy that I miss out on important things. I can’t really recall when I laughed heartedly.People irritated me. I found a bit of peace reading and reading expected courses.Come to think of it… I won’t say.I pray it all comes out well. What have I been learning you may ask? Other than academics, I learnt that not everyone knows me fully. I don’t think they want to have grasp of what I probably think. Call it selfish and self pity but don’t we all need some attention? I mean, I don’t think I remember how it started but it was a long time ago. Nothing seems to excite me lately. I just don’t want people. I need people. Umm, what else? I learnt a great deal of human and language. (Of course I am a linguist) That isn’t anything new. I wonder if everything I hoped would have happened will come to pass. You see, I have target and I feel I’m not channeling myself well to pray. Of course, I won’t be able to when all my patterns are cyclical. Anyways, they say have faith. I suppose I would have to exercise that belief system. What else? Music, nah. I really want to learn an instrument. Something that’s peaceful.Something about that word peaceful just made a hurtful memory flash, but not necessary. I’m trying to move pass it, but it sorta occurs sporadically presently. Just leave the adverb pattern. What else?French is frenching by the way. What else?This can’t be all. What else? I heard God listens when you are angry and disappointed at Him. I hope this is a normal feeling?Does He know and lets you be even though he is merciful? What else can we humans do when we aren’t satisfied? I can’t even talk about it. I’m bad.I’m ungrateful.I’m not wise. Sha hear me out, and think about if you were in my shoes. Maybe God is testing me to still wait. I can wait. I have waited for things for a very long time it felt like never. Let me just leave you with Matthew 6:35.I hope it shifts your direction and helps you. Readers, you aren’t alone. Just don’t go crazy and angry like me. What else can I do?

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