A Comprehensive Guidebook to Ending the Gender Wars by Tuesday

Hey there, I’m Faye the feminist and I’ll be your guide through this manual. Before we start, this class is short. Not because I’m being kind but because I know your attention span is too fickle and I simply refuse to compete with it. Try to keep up. Now, let us begin. Step One: Feminism is not a religion. Did I stutter? I don’t think so.You don’t need to chant “in the name of the mother, daughter and divine feminist” to prove a point. Feminism is not a deity and don’t call me blasphemous for refusing to say it with you. What’s more ridiculous is the fact that y’all are doing it in the name of a movement that the Oxford dictionary defines as, "the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes." Notice how there’s no scripture attached to it? No offering basket? No altar call? Just equality. But okay. You do you. Step Two: Pick up your dictionary. This is the only physical activity required in this course and no, searching up the word on TikTok and putting the video on 2x speed doesn’t count. Look for the word “feminism” then look up the word “misandry” right after. Did you notice that they are not synonyms? Did you see that they mean completely different things? Anyone that tells you otherwise skipped lots of classes in school. Now repeat this exercise till you commit their meanings to memory. Some people learn it on the first try. Some need….a little more time. But hey. This is a judgment free zone and a safe space for you to learn. Even though what you’re learning is the most basic thing. Step Three: Equality does not equal a costume change. Some of you seem to believe that a feminist is a woman who desperately wants to be a man. Which is incorrect and highly offensive by the way. But moving on…. I believe I deserve equal pay, equal opportunities and equal respect as a man. But it doesn’t mean I’m going to change my flat tyre myself if my man is standing right there. Hypothetically speaking because I obviously don’t have a car or a man. Sighs… The point is, equality of rights isn’t identity of roles. You know? If you come for me in my comment section saying I should stand for equity not equality, I. Will. Slap. You. With a dictionary of course. Step Four: Respect eachother for fuvks sake. I’ve been very civil since the start of this and I’d like to pivot a bit. I genuinely believe if every human being respects, loves and protects one another, the world wouldn’t be such a mess. If some men didn’t see women’s bodies as their property, perhaps we’d have fewer misandrists.If some women took responsibility for their faults as well, perhaps we’d have less misogynists.And if women were treated like human beings, feminism wouldn’t even exist. Point is that everybody should do better. Seriously. Step Five: Stop getting info from the internet. I can’t say this enough.The gender wars aren’t even really being fought by men and women. It’s being fought by the algorithm and whoever is yelling louder at the moment. This is why you keep meeting people that think feminism is about hate towards men, and women who believe not being a feminist is something to be proud of. To those kind of women, nobody is still going to pick you. Just sayin in case no one told you recently. And to the men who spend their time arguing with feminists online, nobody is scared of you. Why is the thought of a woman knowing her rights a threat to your masculinity? Think about it. Actually, don’t. Because we both know you won’t. Both groups have the same problem, by the way. They skipped step two and their dictionaries are just somewhere gathering dust. You guys are better than this. Presumably. Step Six: For the women who say, “I’m not a feminist.” I understand that it’s a big word and has a lot of letters but sweetheart, it’s feminism that gave you the right to own a bank account. I’m not forcing you to use the label but I want you to know that you can opt out of the movement but you can’t opt out of history. History doesn’t care about your aesthetic. Step Seven: End the gender wars.I’m so proud of you for coming this far.I’m actually not. I can’t wait to be done typing this. Anyway, you now possess everything you need to end the gender wars. Tell a friend to tell a friend. And the next person who argues with what you’ve learnt so far, smack them across the face with your dictionary. The gender wars will end by Tuesday. I checked my calendar.

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