Battle of the Punctuations (Part I)

The hall boomed with a resounding applause as he walked up to the stage. The atmosphere was electric; trickles of delight and joyful anticipation shone along the faces of the audience.<o:p></o:p> The applause sustained until he arrived on the podium. Only when he raised his hand did the plaudits recede and finally stop.<o:p></o:p> “Thank you, thank you to all of you. I would be damned if you don't know me, but let us assume you don’t; I am Purist, the Host of Syntax and Grammatical Excellence. I'm really glad you were all able to make it to this auspicious occasion. Would be damned once again if you didn’t know, but assuming you don’t, today, we dissect the roles and significance of all our punctuation marks in English. Each punctuation mark will put forward an argument to establish its significance in sentence structure and the degree of meaning it provides to words. The punctuation mark to put forward the most convincing and factual argument will claim a stellar prize never before won in all of history. So, ladies and gentlemen, tighten your seatbelts as we take you on a ride. Are we all ready to experience this showdown?!” Purist bellowed ecstatically. <o:p></o:p> The hall reverberated with a loud “Yes!” that echoed against the walls.<o:p></o:p> A broad smile beamed across his face hearing that. “Okay, permit me to introduce all of our contestants. We have: Full Stop, Comma, Colon, Semicolon, Question Mark, Exclamation Mark, Parenthesis, Apostrophe, Ellipsis, Dash, Bracket, Braces, Hyphen, and Quotation Marks.” He continued.<o:p></o:p> The audience broke into a thrilling round of applause before he signalled them to stop after some moments. The contestants sat on a long bench, shaped like an arc. They were two of them facing each other. Each carrying seven contestants.<o:p></o:p> "The time allocated to each contestant is three minutes max. Synthesize your thoughts and condense your points, I pray you, so you do not fail to hit home what is most essential. Please, let’s keep it tidy, professional, and cordial. This is an opportunity for you all to come out of the shadows. As you know, you have all been under the radar for way too long, and most readers have undermined your powers for a long time coming. You’ve been overlooked. Now is the opportunity to convince these dearest gentle readers of the silent magic you carry. So without further ado, allow me to call on the first contestant. The rest will follow in the order they are seated. He is none other than Comma!"<o:p></o:p> Loud applause rumbled once more as Comma stood and took centre stage. He cleared his throat and observed a moment of silence before speaking.<o:p></o:p> “You see that? That is what I give you in the midst of your long train of incoherent words. Without me, you would just be rambling indefinitely without meaning. I bring pause, stability, and subtle rethinks before further utterance. My foothold soars far beyond simple text. Readers get to grasp a piece without conflicting ideas, enjoying a coherent flow that isn't compromised. Ladies and gentlemen, in my millennial years of existence, I am not just any ordinary mark. I am an inevitable force required in phrases, listed items - you name it. I believe I am the most influential punctuation mark. I rest my case.”<o:p></o:p> The audience proceeded to applaud before Ellipsis broke in. “Hold the applause, please. Many things I can condone, but not lies. Most influential my foot. Compared to me, Comma has no significant weight on reflection between ideas. Who gives you the luxury of controlling the dramatic pause generated in the heart of the reader or listener? Letting them sit in the suspense, doubt, and emotion than I do? I mimic natural speech by imitating the imperfect flow of human conversation when halted to process emotion - all of which Comma or any other mark cannot do. I am the crucial tool for literary writers because, through me, we see the psychological battle between thought and emotion, to evoke the intended imagery in the mind of the receiver.”<o:p></o:p> The crowd gave a warm round of applause, some cheering while others grumbled in opposition.<o:p></o:p> “Stop!” Exclamation yelped as he stepped into the middle. The hall fell into graveyard silence. “Now that is power. That is control - something no other punctuation mark can give you. I am the source of order in every room I enter. I walk past and readers perceive urgency, discipline, and action. Without me, every one of you would be taken for granted and the effect of your words be trampled upon. The tone of your spoken messages monotonous because no character in your story would see the need to be kept in check. How else would you call out to someone several metres away? Express frustration and pain? I give you room to empty your emotions and make you whole...”<o:p></o:p> “All I hear is you love instigating violence.” Dash interrupted.<o:p></o:p> “Erm... please, Dash, you must wait your turn.” Host chipped in.<o:p></o:p> “No, Host, please allow me to school this uneducated, loud-mouthed prick,” Exclamation retorted, glaring at Dash. <o:p></o:p> "You who have only been used across history five times, is speaking to me? You project unnecessary ideas after sensible thoughts have already concluded. Stirring up disparity and confusion!”<o:p></o:p> "Please don’t spit on me under the shameful guise of exclaiming." Dash shot back. "I project additional thoughts that buttress a given point so one’s meaning is understood in all its glory.” Dash continued.<o:p></o:p> “Know your place! You are insignificant in the scheme of things." Exclamation barked. "You could go unused and no one would notice...”<o:p></o:p> “Stop. Full stop.” Full Stop gestured, and the hall went silent.<o:p></o:p> “Now, I didn’t have to do much, did I? You don’t need to raise your hoarse voice to gain control, Exclamation. I have just gained control of the room simply by ending your fruitless back-and-forth. That is the grounding effect I create. I heard Comma speak of stability and I chuckled. I am the true provider of stability. I make even the loudest talkers bow at my feet. Without me, there is no next sentence. Your thoughts totally lack meaning without my direction. I determine whether you can begin the next sentence or not. Without me, there would be chaos, just as you were having. The weight of my presence lets the intended meaning of words settle before further continuation.” Full stop spoke, now centre stage. Exclamation and Dash had returned to their seats.<o:p></o:p> “Okay, I think you can stop now, Full Stop. We have limited time." Purist interjected. "Next, please. No more applause - let’s keep moving by the ticking clock.”<o:p></o:p> “Co-operate, part-time, full-time, up-to-date - you name it. I connect prefix to base words so that even within a single term, proper emphasis falls where it belongs. I prevent ambiguity and ensure clarity. Without me, readers would be confused and misunderstand the relationships between words. Take 're-sign' and 'resign' for instance. The first, 're-sign', means to sign again. 'Resign' on the other hand means to quit a job. Without me, that distinction is completely lost.” Hyphen established, returning to his seat.<o:p></o:p> “Thank you very much, Hyphen. Very brief and straight to the point - I like that. Let's give a hand for that.”<o:p></o:p> Applause began to rain down before Quotation Marks cut in. “Why won’t it be brief when there isn’t much you offer? I put it to you: those words would still make sense without you. How many people here actually use hyphens?”<o:p></o:p> The audience chattered indistinctly. <o:p></o:p> “Now tell me...” Hyphen countered, “...is there a difference between 'a man-eating shark' and 'a man eating shark'?”<o:p></o:p> Quotation Marks scratched his head, refusing to answer.<o:p></o:p> “Did the cat get your tongue?!” Hyphen exclaimed.<o:p></o:p> “Okay, fine. Maybe you’re not completely useless after all. But unlike you, no one can do without me. I am the primary instigator of all your gossip. Nkechi, while telling Chika what her boyfriend said, uses me to relay his exact words. "Nkechi, are you a magician? Because anytime I look at you, every other girl disappears." She says. I make sure thoughts align within context, so when you see me hanging before and after them, you understand the message.”<o:p></o:p> “So, is that all you contribute to sentence structure?” Question Mark asked.<o:p></o:p> “No, my friend. I am also the wellspring of great quotes from scholars and notable figures. But you wouldn’t know that, would you?”<o:p></o:p> (Who do you think would win? To be continued...) <o:p> </o:p>

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