Being 19 - by Letters From Delight

When you turn 18, it feels like you have arrived.Because legally, you are now an adult. I'd say “young adult,” so it doesn't come off as being 30.Everyone assumes that you are now responsible for your actions, choices, plans, and even relationships. There is a perception that comes with being 18. It is the kind that puts you under expectations from people, and most especially, expectations from yourself. Somehow, you just feel the need to put your life together because you are no longer a child. There is a push towards significance. For me, 18 was the age of self-realisation. I became more aware of myself, my environment, and my future. Though beautifully painful, I am most grateful that 18 did not deprive me of exposure. Being 18 is standing at the strange intersection between who you have been and who you are expected to become. You are old enough to be held accountable, but still young enough to be figuring yourself out. You are learning that adulthood does not arrive with all the answers; sometimes, it arrives with even more questions. But being 19? Being 19 is like the wrap of something you never wanted to end. Something you wish could last a little longer. Being 19 is like playing a song and wanting it to be on repeat at least eight more times. 19 is different. It is unique, stressful, chaotic, sometimes peaceful, and most importantly, demanding. Being 19 means 20 is close. And 20 being close means you are about to reach what feels like the most official part of adulthood. 19 came so quickly for me. Honestly, I wasn't prepared. I mean, I was just 18 yesterday. It came with a lot of responsibilities, lessons, realisations, mistakes, failures, wins, and breakups. And by breakups, I mean breakups with myself. Breakups with characters, personalities, and desires that eventually led to personal and character development. 19 is the age that comes with the desire for more. To push, to break, and to overcome. Desiring this and that at the same time, only to realise that you don't want any of them anymore. 19 is character development. 19 is sitting up late at night and thinking about a fulfilled life before 25. 19 is listening to podcasts just so every single minute of your life counts for something meaningful. 19 is trying and failing, deciding and procrastinating. It is falling off the edge and somehow picking yourself up again, only to stand up even more confused. 19 is clarity and confusion. Longing and passion.It is the feeling that you are running out of time. Like there is a deadline to becoming successful. 19 is deciding between a private life and a public life.Because a private life means peace, but sometimes feels like deprivation from the kind of future you have built in your head. A public life means you want to be seen. You want to connect, network, build a brand, build a name for yourself, and maybe someday sit across a table from Tony Elumelu. But the chaos that comes with being in the public is tough.19 is understanding womanhood even more. Noticing the changes in your body, and learning to control urges. 19 is having a bad academic grade and thinking your life has come to an end. It is questioning your intelligence and your potential. So, what has 19 been for Delight? 19 has been busy. I never planned for most of these things, but consciously and unconsciously, my decisions—both positive and negative—have brought me to where I am today. At 18, I started studying Law. I'm 19, and I'm still studying Law. At 19, I became the State Director for Leadvocacy for Utopia, Kogi State. Leadvocacy for Utopia is a youth-led network committed to raising young leaders to champion causes they are passionate about. After making an application and getting accepted, I brought Leadvocacy to Kogi State. And so far, I have had the opportunity to reach over 22 young people who have become change-makers, mentally and practically. At 19, I became a UNICEF Nigeria U-Report representative for Kogi State. I became the Director of Membership and Mobilisation of the Female Law Students Forum (FLF) in my university. I started applying for opportunities nationally and internationally. And even though I have been rejected most of the time, I have never once imagined what giving up looks like. Because I am not giving up. At 19, I decided I was going to get my international passport. And even though I am yet to receive it physically, what I have received and come to terms with is that opportunity trips are coming. Sponsored trips, nationally and internationally, are coming. And therefore, I've got to get myself prepared. At 19, I stood in front of a crowd of more than 100 people and spoke proficiently. I expressed myself. I passed a message. And somehow, that experience contributed meaningfully to my growth. At 19, I got nominated for the position of Most Influential Female Student of the Year in my faculty.And surprisingly, I won Most Influential Titan of the Year. There's a story attached to this one. At 19, I have published 17 articles—and I am still counting. At 19, I did my first internship at one of the biggest law firms. I visited the court more times than I can count, connected with practicing lawyers, and gained experience. At the end of my internship, I received a Certificate of Commendation from my Boss.At 19, I reached out to one of my favourite creators. I had admired him from afar for nearly two years. I finally decided to send that message, and today, we work together on some really cool stuff.Funny how sometimes, all it takes is one message. At 19 I became a member of Let's Speak Climate Africa. Connecting with amazing people across other African Countries.At 19 I volunteered for a Meta Mask event and made meaningful connections. Even though I am not a Web3 person. Looooool At 19, I am currently building my own initiative. I am building Triviacacy for Change. Though I am still at the very beginning, I have built to the point where I get to see a prototype version of what the Triviacacy website would look like.And before 19 is over, I hope to officially be called a Founder. But as much as 19 has been really good, there have been downtimes.Because at 19, I got my first carryover in a course I wrote so well. I cried until I fell sick. Questioned my intelligence, my choice of degree. Amidst all the chaos, I still found the strength to write to the school's academic board for a review of my results. A few weeks after I had finally gotten over it, I discovered it was a system malfunction. Apparently, I had a B in the course.Perks of studying in a Nigerian university, I guess. At 19, I have lost my devotion with God and run back time and time again. I do not have the relationship with God that I desire yet. I want more, and more with God is what I have been longing for. 19 comes with a bag of many things.I do not have it all figured out, and you don't have to either. Clarity comes with moving.20 is close. But rather than cringe at the thought of adulthood, try becoming the best version of yourself.Redefine what adulthood means to you, and work towards it.You will outgrow people, dreams, versions of yourself, and perhaps even some of the things you once thought defined you.And that is okay. You are still becoming.It will eventually get clear.

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