Between love and hate - by Obikaeze Precious

PART ONE — The Girl Who Felt Everything She was doing it again. Faking it again. And it was sure as hell eating her up inside. Her parents had named her Grace. Sometimes she liked the name. Other times, she detested it. She couldn't even explain why. Grace always felt left out of conversations, even when she was surrounded by her own family. Instead of feeling encouraged by them, she often felt crushed beneath the weight of their expectations. According to Grace, she was a horrible, horrible person. She was envious of her friends. She struggled to string conversations together. Sometimes, she even detested her family. And, in all honesty, she was simply fed up with everyone. Not because they were unkind. Not because they had done anything terrible. But because she wanted things she couldn't have. That was the part she hated admitting. She often imagined what anyone who knew her would say if they could read her mind. The thought alone made her cringe. What if they knew? What if they knew that she craved attention and hated it at the same time? What if they knew she could be genuinely proud of someone's achievement while secretly wishing it were hers? What if they knew she loved her family and detested them in the very same breath? Grace was exhausted. Her own mind played games on her, dragging her from one emotion to another until she no longer knew which feeling was real. She wanted her emotions painted in black and white. Simple. Clear. Easy. Because no one enjoyed contrasting emotions, especially when contrasting emotions were all they had ever known. Sometimes Grace wondered if it happened because she was a girl. Other times, she wondered if perhaps she was simply made of both light and darkness. Good and evil. Love and hate. She never told anyone. Certainly not her parents. She wasn't completely honest with anyone,not even herself. Grace hated herself for that. Like every girl, she wanted confidence. She wanted a good heart. She wanted that effortless aura some people seemed to carry without trying. And perhaps, just perhaps, she wanted a happy ending. If there was ever one waiting for her. More than anything, Grace wanted the peace she saw in other people. She wished for nothing but peace. She wanted something good for herself. Maybe that was selfish. Maybe wanting happiness for herself was another thing she should feel guilty about. But Grace was exhausted. Tired of being nice and wicked. Happy and sad. Proud and jealous. Loving and resentful. She wished there was an end to it all. But she wasn't sure she'd ever learn how to navigate her own feelings. Until him... It was a cold December evening, and Grace did what she always did during that time of the year. She went to the city's library while other girls went to the mall. She found a dark corner, picked up a fairy-tale novel, and sat down. She read. And cried. She cried her heart out silently, making sure not to disturb anyone. It was always like this for Grace. The end of every year came as a reminder of one thing, another year wasted. She didn't know what she'd done to deserve it, but somehow, her mind always found a way to remind her that happiness was not, and perhaps never would be, meant for her. She snorted as she read about Cinderella. How unrealistic. Cinderella was just lucky. Does love at first sight really happen? Maybe. Her mind answered before she could. Then it mocked her. But in your case, if you ever get the chance, it'll probably be love and hate at first sight. Grace groaned. Her head ached. She was dog-tired. She closed the book and stood to return it. Then she heard a masculine voice behind her. "It's supposed to be a happy book. You cried like it had a sad ending." Grace froze. Oh, bother. She could ignore him. She could simply keep walking. But she turned sharply. And for the first time in a long while, her mind went completely silent. Because standing there was a stranger who looked almost like he had stepped out of the very fairy tale she had just been mocking. Tall. Lovely. Sweet. His eyes looked happy. Almost painfully happy. What is wrong with you, Grace? She mentally scolded herself. He's just a guy. And strangely... her mind didn't contradict her. No good and evil. No love and hate. No argument. Just him. "I beg your pardon?" she asked. "The happy book," he said, gesturing toward the novel. "And the tears." Grace stared at him. He was mocking her. She knew he was. And strangely enough, she felt the urge to laugh. She offered no explanation. No apology. Neither did he. She simply walked away. But as she stepped out into the cold December night, Grace couldn't shake the feeling that something had changed. She didn't know his name. She didn't know who he was. But somewhere deep inside, she already knew she hadn't seen the last of him..... What happens next?!! Watch out for part two!!

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