English Vinglish: You Can Be Loved and Not Respected

Love shouldn't come at the cost of respect There is a familiar kind of love where you know you are loved, but you feel you need to do more to earn your space. This kind of love is draining and constantly makes you question your worth. A minute’s silence for Sridevi Kapoor, Shashi in English Vinglish. Rest in peace, queen. <img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/english_1.jpg"/>This is the story of Shashi, a traditional Indian woman, devoted mother, loving wife and caring daughter.Her everyday life is typical. She wakes up before the rest of the family and prepares breakfast for her husband, two children, and mother. Shashi pays attention to details, knowing exactly what each family member needs: who needs to eat more eggs, who prefers white bread, and who needs to stay off sugary things. Shashi is that mother. And what an attentive wife! She's also very resourceful. She makes sweets called ladoos to sell, and she’s excellent at it. One would think these qualities would make her a goddess to her husband and children. On the contrary, she's blessed with an inattentive husband. Their marriage has gone cold, and he would rather talk to other people than talk with her. He doesn't even think she has things to talk about. She should at least find comfort in her children, but her eldest daughter is embarrassed by her because Shashi cannot speak English.<img src="/media/inline_insight_image/english_4.jpeg"/> To her husband, she's a traditional woman who is good for keeping the home.To her daughter, she's an embarrassment because she can't speak English.To Shashi, she wants to be so much more. Her inability to speak English doesn't just affect her at home. She experiences public humiliation too, particularly when she visits a café in New York. She had travelled alone ahead of her family, and the experience was uncomfortable. But perhaps what hurts even more is that the embarrassment doesn't end with strangers; it follows her home, where she is made to feel inadequate by her own family. Then, almost just like that, she decides to learn English. She privately enrols in a four-week English class. What I find particularly interesting about this decision is that she isn't doing it to seek validation from her husband or children. She's doing it for herself. She wants to reclaim something she has gradually lost: her self-worth. I think love can be unconditional, but respect is often tied to our perception of people. It sometimes requires us to be somebody or something before we feel deserving of it.Sometimes, the people who love us become so familiar with who we have been that they lose sight of who we are becoming. And this creates an uncomfortable situation where we begin to measure our self-worth by how they see us, because, more often than not, we see ourselves through the eyes of others. Shashi's journey also reminds us that it is never too late to reinvent ourselves. We can learn new things, step outside familiar spaces and meet people who introduce us to different perspectives. <img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/english_3.webp"/> At the English class, she meets a French man who develops an interest in her. His admiration makes her feel seen and appreciated in ways she hasn't experienced in a long time. But she isn't chasing his affection or looking for an escape through another man's attention. She is simply rediscovering herself, so she turned him down. And because we often see ourselves through the eyes of others, Shashi's self-confidence grows as her classmates recognise her as a kind, smart woman. Not just a dutiful wife or mother. On the flip side, Shashi begins to feel as though she is betraying her family by finding happiness outside her responsibilities. For a moment, she feels guilty for choosing herself. After all, she's so accustomed to putting everyone else first that doing something solely for her own happiness feels almost unnatural. Unfortunately, she doesn't get to attend her final examination because she had to make ladoos for her sister's wedding. To her husband, she's still just the wife who was born to make ladoos. Even at the wedding, when she's invited to give a speech, her husband tries to excuse her, assuming she wouldn't be able to speak English. But Shashi stands up and delivers a beautiful speech. And what a moment that is! She has regained her identity. She is more than a wife, a mother or a ladoo maker. She's even more than a woman who has learnt to speak English. She's an individual with dreams, abilities and aspirations. Someone who deserves to be loved, valued and respected, particularly by the people she loves. Shashi didn't become worthy of respect because she learnt English. She was always worthy of respect. English simply gave her the confidence to recognise what had been there all along. And then there's what familiarity can do to marriage. Sometimes, we become so accustomed to having someone around that we lose sight of the person sleeping beside us. We forget that they have dreams and aspirations of their own. We forget the simple things that make them happy and, honestly, overlook how much they have changed.Sometimes, you have to be strong enough to pull yourself away from other people's perceptions, even when those people are the ones you love. It's so true that we see ourselves through the eyes of others. But when you look in the mirror, do you love what/who you see? When Shashi's husband asks her at the end of the movie, "Do you still love me?", he knows this is no longer the same Shashi who didn't know her self-worth. Shashi now knows exactly what she's capable of. She can make decisions for herself, and she's a woman her husband should be proud of. This isn't your regular Indian movie. You'll love it, and hopefully, you'll leave feeling inspired not to give up on yourself, to keep growing and, most importantly, to learn what it means to love right. You'll laugh too, if you're not heartbroken.

Other insights from Adedamie

Contributor Points

Points-to-Coupons

Referral Earning