I don’t remember the exact day I started drifting.

But I remember how it felt.

It wasn’t loud—it was quiet.

Like slowly sinking into water and convincing myself I was floating.

I would pray… but my mind wandered.

I would worship… but my heart felt cold.

I showed up for everyone else—but I stopped showing up for me.

I stopped showing up for God.

There was a time I felt so close to Him.

Like I could whisper my fears and feel Him wrap me in peace.

I was journaling, praying, fasting, dreaming with Him.

I believed I was on fire.

Then life happened.

I started breaking in ways I didn’t expect.

I got tired. I got hurt.

And somewhere in the ache, I stopped speaking to God like a friend.

He became a background voice I thought I didn’t deserve to hear anymore.

I did things I shouldn’t have done.

Ran back to people I had no business loving.

Stayed in places where I was only tolerated, never treasured.

And still, God stayed.

He stayed when I closed my Bible.

He stayed when I doubted every promise.

He stayed when I cried at night and felt unworthy to pray.

He stayed when I begged Him to let me go because I thought I had failed too much to be held again.

He stayed through every relapse.

He stayed when my body was shaking from exhaustion and I had to write tests or stand on a stage or smile like everything was okay.

I remember once, I was walking back from class—completely drained.

I hadn’t eaten all day, my finances were in shambles, and I just whispered, “God, are You still with me?”

And the breeze kissed my face.

It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t a miracle.

It was subtle.

But it was Him.

I’ve seen Him in the small:

In the job that came unexpectedly.

In the people who held me when I couldn’t hold myself.

In the moments I stood to lead prayers even when I didn’t feel worthy.

In the way He never stopped calling me “daughter”—even when I stopped answering.

This is my story:

I left sometimes.

I doubted often.

I wandered far.

But God never let go.

He held on.

And every time I came back, He didn’t say, “Where have you been?”

He said, “Welcome back. I’ve been here all along.”

So no, this isn’t a story about a perfect Christian girl.

It’s a story about a girl who broke, fell, cried, failed…

And still found herself wrapped in a love that never moved.

This is my story of how God stayed.