Hi - by Leeyah Jots

Been gone for a while naw. And honestly, I don't even know what to write. I just opened TwoCents and felt like talking. Maybe I'm tired. Actually, I know I'm tired. There's just so much to handle when all you want is a soft life. And by soft life, I don't even mean luxury cars and fancy vacations and all those things we post online. Sometimes soft life is just… Having my own money. Being able to solve my own problems. Not having to call somebody every time something happens. Being able to say “no” without thinking about what I'll lose. Being able to stand my ground because you know i can stand on my own. Especially as a girl 😭 Because let's be honest, being a girl and trying to build yourself is not always easy. You want to be independent, but everything is expensive. You want to save, but something always comes up. You want to rest, but you remember the things you're trying to achieve. You want to enjoy your youth, but there's this voice at the back of your head reminding you that you need to have something going for yourself. You want to be soft. But life keeps asking you to be strong. And sometimes I just want to scream: Can I breathe first? 😭 I'm tired of this idea that wanting financial stability means you're greedy. No. I just don't want to be a liability. I want to be able to take care of myself. I want to have money and not feel guilty for wanting it. I want to buy something I like without calculating whether I should have used the money for something “more important.” I want to be able to leave situations that don't serve me without thinking, “But where will I go?” I want options. Not because I don't appreciate the people who help me. I do. But there's a different kind of peace that comes from knowing “Even if nobody comes, I'll figure it out.” And maybe that's what I'm chasing. Not perfection. Not some Pinterest life. Just stability. Just peace. Just enough money to breathe. Just enough confidence to say what I mean. Just enough sense to know when to leave. Just enough strength to stand my ground without becoming hard. Because I still want to be soft. I still want to be kind. I still want to love people. I still want to laugh over stupid things and enjoy being young. I just don't want my softness to come from helplessness. I want it to be a choice. And maybe that's why I'm tired. Because becoming the kind of woman who can stand on her own takes a lot. School. Money. Family. Business. Relationships. Trying to figure out who I am. And somehow you're still expected to look fine through all of it. So yeah. I've been gone for a while. I don't really have a big lesson today. No deep conclusion. I'm just here. Trying. Tired. Still figuring shit out. Still wanting a soft life. Still trying to make sure I can afford it. 😭 Anyway, I missed you people two cents.....<img src="/media/inline_insight_image/967828.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;"/>

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