I'm fine....(Are you really fine?)

“I’m fine” might be one of the most dangerous lies we’ve normalized.And I didn’t fully realize how dangerous it was until I heard those words from someone lying on a hospital bed.Stay with me. I think you’ll understand what I mean.Some months back, I went to visit a family member who had been hospitalized.He was lying there on the hospital bed, his body weak from the effects of whatever he was battling. You could see that he wasn't at his best.But that wasn't even the part that stayed with me.I moved closer to him and asked, “How are you doing? I hope you’re feeling better?”His response came almost immediately.“I’m fine, thank you.”And for a moment, it sounded completely normal.The kind of response you give without thinking.The kind of response we’ve repeated so many times that we barely hear it anymore.But there was something strange about hearing “I’m fine” from someone lying weak on a hospital bed.He clearly wasn't fine.Yet somehow, the words still came naturally.Looking back at that day, I realized how often I had seen the same thing happen, not necessarily from people lying on hospital beds, but in our everyday lives.You see a colleague walk into the office with eyes red from crying.You walk up to them.“Are you okay?”“Oh, I’m fine, thank you.”And you look at their face like...Fine?“Shuuu! For this your red eyes?”Or you notice someone unusually quiet. Their energy is different. Something about them tells you they aren't okay.So you ask, “Are you good?”And almost before you finish asking, the familiar response comes:“I’m fine.”Two words.So ordinary.So automatic.And sometimes, completely untrue.The more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable it became because I’ve used those words too. A lot.There have been moments when I wasn't fine, but “I'm fine” was easier than explaining what was actually happening inside me.Sometimes because I didn't want to burden anyone.Sometimes because I didn't know how to put the feeling into words.Sometimes because I didn't trust that my vulnerability would be safe with the person I was talking to.Because vulnerability is difficult when you don't know what someone will do with the parts of you you've exposed.Sometimes we've opened up before and regretted it. Sometimes we've been misunderstood. Sometimes what we shared in confidence was later used against us.So we learn to keep things to ourselves.We smile.We say we're good.We say we're fine.And that's the part that bothers me.How did “I'm fine” become such a normal response that we don't even question it anymore?We hear it from someone crying.We hear it from someone exhausted.We hear it from someone clearly struggling.And sometimes, we say it ourselves while knowing very well that it isn't true.Maybe “I'm fine” isn't always a reflection of how we feel. Sometimes, it's simply the response we've been conditioned to give.© AKINSANYA. D. TUMININUAbbas_Comforted

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