Lost Myself for a While

It’s been a while since I felt like myself,

like I actually belonged inside my own head.

These days I just exist, not really live,

giving out smiles I don’t even give.

I wake up tired even after I sleep,

like something inside me fell too deep.

And I don’t know when I started to change,

but everything about me feels strange.

The mirror still shows my face the same,

but my eyes don’t answer me when I call my name.

I look at myself and try to feel something,

but I just feel empty… or nothing.

I act okay so nobody asks,

I hide my breakdowns behind simple tasks.

But alone at night, it’s loud in my mind,

thoughts I can’t run from, nowhere to hide.

Love didn’t heal me, it made it worse,

turned my heart into a quiet curse.

Now I overthink what I did wrong,

like I was the problem all along.

I replay moments I should let go,

things I should’ve never known.

And I miss people I shouldn’t miss,

but pain doesn’t care what logic is.

I laugh sometimes just to feel normal again,

but even my laughter feels like pain.

Like I’m pretending I’m still okay,

while pieces of me slowly fade away.

It’s been a while since I felt like me,

since I felt light, since I felt free.

Now I’m just learning how to survive,

not really living, just staying alive.

But maybe one day I’ll find my way,

back to myself in a better day.

For now I’m lost, I can’t

deny…

I lost myself for a while.